OMG I can't believe you ate breakfast at Cracker Barrel... on a Sunday?!?!?!

When a Facebook friend posts a photo on a Sunday from a restaurant or other retail establishment, I love digging through the comments looking for "that guy." You know, the guy (or girl) who either directly or very subtly calls out the OP for 'breaking the Sabbath.'

Try it next time your cousin posts a pic on Sunday from the dairy aisle of Wal Mart. I bet you a dollar you'll find in the comment section either "On a Sunday?!?!?!" (directly) or "Ahh. So that's where Elders Quorum was meeting today." (indirectly)

I love it when the OP actually takes a moment to respond to the passive aggressive commenter. Sometimes, they'll say "That pic was taken on Saturday." Sometimes, they'll say, "Yeah, so?!" But I'm sure the OP would rather respond with a simple "F%&# you."

Same thing happens when someone posts a heartwarming video of Ellen DeGeneres doing something really nice. There's always "that guy" who has to bring up her sexuality in a negative way. "Well, Ellen's nice and all, but I can't support her lifestyle." *eye roll*

Every time I see comments like these, I just wanted to get inside the commenters head. What are they trying to accomplish with the condescending comments? Do they think they're fulfilling a Priesthood (or Relief Society) duty by calling out people doing stuff on Sunday? Are they just trying to be funny? (They never come across as a comedian; just a big jerk!) Are they looking for details so they can tattle to their leaders, or make it the topic of an upcoming Sacrament meeting talk.

I knew a guy who refused to watch football on Sunday. Fine with me. Do what you want. But he took every open opportunity to tell people that he doesn't watch football on Sunday. Priesthood lessons, FHE gatherings, random chitchats. After the 3rd or 4th time I heard it, it got a little annoying. Don't even think about inviting him to a Super Bowl party; you'll get quite an earful. We, his friends and acquaintances, started to feel uncomfortable, and even a little guilty since we all watched football on Sunday. Again, what fulfillment was this guy getting by always telling people that he never watched football on the Sabbath Day?

I respect what you choose to do and not do on Sundays - and to my Jewish friends - on Saturday.  :) There's just no need to call out others for how they decide to spend the day.

You are not alone. You are loved.

Normally, when one gets some upsetting news, you need some time. A few hours to calm down, a good night's rest, some contemplation, some discussion with others. Then you move on.

I thought this would be the case after I heard the news Thursday regarding the leaked revised Handbook policy about the church excluding kids of same-sex couples from membership. I hoped to 'make sense of it all' after a couple days of cooling off.

I haven't. It still bothers me. I'm still upset (if not more upset than I was on Thursday.)

The thing is, I had a hard time pinpointing WHY I was so upset. I've distanced myself from the church over the past couple years, so in reality, this shouldn't bother me.

But it does.

During my weekend of thinking and pondering, this thought came to my mind several times: Why on earth would a gay couple want to raise their kids in the church?! In a way, I was trying to play devil's advocate so I could achieve that "moving on" process I just mentioned.

Then I came across this heartbreaking post on Facebook from Devon Gibby, the author of A Shout From the Housetops. (please read the FB post.) Ouch. Right in the feels.

Devon is gay, married a woman, had two kids. They divorced, and he now lives with his partner. Devon and his ex-wife have decided to raise their kids in the church. But because Devon now lives with his partner, the kids' membership and baptism are now in jeopardy.

He says:

"Children of felons and rapists don't even have such a harsh punishment. I'm really hurting. Just when I thought that I had found a way to live with tolerance toward the church they've come out and attacked my family in a very personal way."

I then thought of other folks who used to be in mixed-orientation marriages who have since divorced. Now their kids' membership and baptism are in jeopardy.

This is why I'm upset. As Devon said, it's an attack on the family. I'm angry because this policy affects a lot of families, families that are just trying their best to do what is right.

We are hurting. We are confused. Even a handful of TBM's are hurting.

Some other random observations from the last couple days: (because you know, I like short, random stuff)

*Of course, they got the apostle with the gay brother to make the clarification. It bothers me the church uses D. Todd everytime they need to discuss LGBT issues. "Look, even an apostle has a gay family member! We love all the gays!" (sarcasm)

*The Ex-Mormon forum on Reddit gained 130 subscribers in just one day. The average is 20. Many people are threatening to leave the church because of the new policy.

*Can't confirm - but I've seen several statements that calls to suicide hotlines have greatly increased this weekend.

*Zing. (read the whole thing)

*An astonishing 18 blog posts were made to the Moho Directory just this weekend, the majority venting about the policy changes. I've never seen so many posts in a short amount of time.

*Most of my straight, TBM Facebook friends either shared the Well Behaved Mormon Woman blog post or the one about the woman raised by two lesbians (sorry, not linking here) with the line "This is a great perspective." It's like they're doing their duty by sharing the link, then moving on. They don't get it.

We are hurting.

it's a tough weekend to be a gay mormon.

— Tyler Glenn (@tylerinacoma) November 7, 2015

While many of us can vent via a blog post or Facebook status, I'm extremely worried about those who have remained quiet. Those who are deeply closeted and are confused by all the news. Those in MOM's who have kids and thinking about their future. Those preparing to go on a mission, but now not so sure. Those who are scared to talk about this for fear of rejection.

To these people - please know that you are loved.

I love you.

You are not alone.

I've seen the above graphic many times on FB and Twitter. These resources are there for you. And I'm here too. If you need to vent, chat, etc., use the Contact Form or email me, and I'll listen (er, uh, read.)

To the leaders of North Star. I've made it very clear I don't agree with your organization. But your believing members are hurting. They are confused. They need help. Please develop a buddy system and have members check up on each other - and if possible - in person. North Star folks are extremely delicate. They need a listening ear. They need a hug. And I'm sorry, but a temple trip and fast two weeks from now ain't gonna cut it.

It's going to take some time for me to cool down. At the same time, we all need to reach out to those directly affected by these changes and show them our gratitude.

You are loved.

Page from church handbook leaked, Internet blows up

It started flowing around the 'net today as a rumor, but by the end of the day, it was all confirmed.

It leaves a sick feeling in my stomach, but at the same time, I'm really not surprised by the announcements.

Today we've learned that:

1) Children living in a same-sex household may not be blessed as babies or baptized.

2) Those in a same-sex marriage fall under the definition of apostasy.

I swear, every chance the church takes a step forward when it comes to accepting homosexuals, it takes 472 steps back.

There are a lot of thoughts running through my mind right now - mainly anger. So this post will be quite scattered.

===

Most people know that I'm LDS, but a much smaller percentage know I'm gay. As news of this announcement spreads over the coming days and weeks, am I going to be seen as a homophobic jerk due to my association with the church?! At the time of this writing, 3 of the 4 broadcast TV channels in Salt Lake City are reporting the news on their homepages. (C'mon ABC 4, you're a little behind! EDIT: It's there now!) With this kind of coverage, it won't take long for this news to go national and international and I'll just want to hide and hope friends and acquaintances forget that I'm LDS.

===

Today I've also been thinking a lot about the TBM gay folks. How do they feel about today's news? Are they a little upset with their own church? Or does stuff like this make their faith and devotion even stronger? Is this even a story to them? Blogger GayMormonMan, who says he's a TBM, seems a little perturbed by everything that happened today. Some of the most anti-gay marriage people I've come across are gay/SSA men married to women. I'm really curious as to what's going through their minds right now.

===

Randall Thacker of Affirmation was quoted in this Salt Lake Trib article:

"I cannot imagine Jesus Christ denying any child a baptism because of the status of their parents. It goes against everything I ever thought the savior and baptism was about."

I admire Thacker's humbleness in giving a quote! My quote would have been a little on the mean/upset/angry side! 

===

This commenter on KUTV's Facebook page was not as conservative as Thacker: 

"When will they stop with the hatred. Now they are involving kids. But, at the same time - I would hope a gay couple would not want their kids affiliated with that church anyway. Just sickening they felt the need to have this declared/announced. Shame on them."

===

But again, should we really be surprised by all this? We all know how the church feels about same-sex marriage. I guess the leaked handbook photo and subsequent media coverage by multiple outlets (during sweeps month!) is making this all a little overwhelming. 

While the announcement bums me out, it'll be interesting to see how everyone (straight, gay, LDS, non-LDS, ex-LDS) react to this PR nightmare. (Thanks John Dehlin!) 

===

Article of Faith #2 - We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression. 

My rejection letter from the LDS Church

Many years ago, I was in a rut at my then workplace. I decided to put out some feelers and see what other job opportunities existed. A good friend of mine suggested I apply for a manager-type job with the LDS Church. She said I'd be good at it. I was honored that this friend thought I should apply for such a high-profile job - so I did. It was a great opportunity in a career field that I loved (and went to college for!)

I didn't meet all the requirements. The COJCOLDS wanted 10 years experience and I had about 8 in the related field. But I still thought I had a chance. Back then, I wanted this position. How cool would it be to work for the church I grew up with and devoted two years of my life for?! (I know that sentence may come across sarcastic, but I'm not really trying to be!) :-)

I freshened up my resume, wrote a nice cover letter, and applied.

This was their response:

In a world where most employers don't send out rejection letters, I was kinda surprised to get this. (Especially the "Will Not Be A Finalist" in the subject line!)

I didn't get my hopes up, but I was still kind of bummed when this showed up in the ole Inbox. Applying for jobs will always be a tedious process, and after this email it was back to the drawing board.

Today, I have a job I love, nowhere near the headquarters of the LDS Church. So the "Best wishes for your success" line in the above message actually came true.

Over the years, this simple form letter from a "No reply" email account has really made me think. What if I really did get the job?! Would I still be in the closet? Would I be miserable? Would I still be single, or pressured into marriage? Since you have to have a current temple recommend to work for the church, would I have to confess to my bishop about my "same-sex attraction?" What would I have done with the doubts about the church I've accumulated over the years?

A bunch of questions I'm glad I don't have to worry about answering.

This email I've saved for 7 years also shows how naive I was. What was I thinking?! A gay Mormon approaching 30 seriously applying to work for the church. I guess I had the mindset that I could overcome my gayness and somehow work for an organization that really doesn't know what to do with people like me. Just think, me, a gay person, would have to defend my employer regarding conference talks on traditional marriage. That would have been fun. (This time, I am being sarcastic.) 2008 was NOT that long ago! It's fascinating how much my views on homosexuality and the church have changed.  

Seven years later, I'm more than grateful I don't work for the church. That would have been an absolute recipe for disaster. Plus I would have hated wearing a white shirt and tie six days a week.

Crisis averted.

Sometimes I just wanna eat dinner on the patio

No idea who these people are. Just your basic stock photo. :)

First off, thanks to all of you who responded to my "Who Are You?" idea. I've got some great stories from readers and looking forward to sharing. (If you're wondering what this is all about, or you'd like to contribute - check out the last post for details.)

Moving on. The more I've accepted my sexuality, the less active I've become in the LDS Church. I've wanted to stay under the radar when it comes to church activity, and I've successfully done so. Here's how I did it:

1. Move out of the old ward.
2. Transfer records to the new ward.
3. Don't go to the new ward.

I've only been contacted twice since moving to my new place. Both included a casual invite to attend church, but neither carried much pressure.

The break from church has been nice - I'm less stressed, anxiety has gone down, and I don't feel as depressed. Plus having a full weekend - 2 whole days - is pretty dang awesome.

But there are some repercussions from flying under the radar: my social life has disintegrated. All my life, my main circle of friends have been people in my ward, stake, seminary, institute, etc. etc. Yes, there have been co-worker friends, neighborhood friends, etc., but the majority have been from church. Now that I've moved (about 25 miles) from the old ward, starting anew socially has been difficult. While I consider myself an extrovert, I've really struggled making new friends outside of the Mormon bubble.

Online friends/acquaintances suggest I look for people on Meetup or try a gay bar/church/hangout. But the thought of that gives me as much anxiety as returning to church! 

I realized just how much I miss social outings a couple weeks ago; I met up with my old group of church friends. (We could meet more often, but our current distance makes it a real challenge.) It was a simple restaurant dinner out on the patio. The weather was amazing, food was good, and I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with everyone. We all laughed and had a great time. I miss these moments I've taken for granted for the past 20 years.

I know what you're thinking. "GMS, you've decided to not go to church anymore, so quit being a cry baby and find some new friends." (While the TBM's are likely suggesting I just go back to church.) And I could respond with: "Yes, you're probably right. I need to get out more." Seeing this all typed out is somewhat of a motivation to get be back on the social track. Stay tuned.

And if you think you live near me (not in Utah), hit me up! :)

Moho Confessionals: Tell me a secret, part deux

It's time for the 2nd Annual Moho Confessionals brought to you by you, the wonderful reader!

This all started after a post I made in 2013 where I rambled off a few personal facts and thoughts. That gave me the idea to ask for facts and thoughts from you all. Days later, I had 26 confessions covering what it's like to be gay and Mormon.

It's been over a year since those 26 anonymous items were released, so I thought it would be time to do it again! (New readers, new ideas, new updates.) That last one MAY be an oxymoron.

A year ago, I did this mainly for fun, but have learned that this could be in someway cathartic. Through personal chats and conversations, I've learned that many Moho's are still very much in the closet. I've learned that some married Moho's are confused, struggling, unsure of their future. I've learned that some Moho's are having serious doubts with the church and its doctrine. I've also learned that many of you are happy being gay and life's going well. I could go on and on. Sharing these deep thoughts and feelings is a step in the right direction. We can't keep all this stuff bottled up, even if it's done anonymously.

And on that note, send me your secrets! What's on your mind? What's something few people know about you?

Use the Contact Form on the right.
Put "Anonymous" under Name.
MY email address under Email (gaymormonsouthpaw AT gmail DOT com.)
Give me a line or two of your secret under Message.

If you remain anonymous, and I encourage it, I have NO way to track you down. (I'm just not tech-y enough!) If you're on a mobile or tablet, you can email the above address from your fake email address. (I know you have one!)

Here are a couple from last year:

• I have a crush on my best friend. We haven't been friends for all that long (we met recently through MoHo circles), but I can't see myself living without him.
• I love fun and sexy underwear! Wearing garments was excruciating for me and I'm so glad to not be wearing them anymore. You never know, that forgettable guy in front of you in the checkout line might be me wearing bright pink briefs.

Same rules as last time. PG-13ish and nothing that could get you arrested. Don't leave anything below in the comments section.

Be funny or be serious. It's up to you! And I'll be sure to throw in a couple of MY secrets as well!

BTW, even if you're not LDS, feel free to share a secret too.

Deadline is Sunday, March 22, 2015.

Now, get to work! :)

I'm not sure how I feel about this...

Nice arms, boys.

Hello again. Yes, it's been awhile. Take any excuse in the book and that could be used for my lack of writing. For all you Moho's out there, I hope this blog provides answers and support. You are the push I need to keep my story active.

I'm still amazed at the dozens of folks who end up on this blog looking for info on Tom Christofferson. (Seriously, D. Todd, you should really write an Ensign article or conference talk on your brother.)

Ok, now to the purpose of this post. I'm sure you've heard about the upcoming TLC reality show, "My Husband's Not Gay."  When the news articles started popping up, I was actually spending Christmas vacation with my family. I would have shared my thoughts sooner, but wasn't too keen on the idea of updating my anonymous blog with family members in the next room. :)

To sum up the show, three married couples and one single guy share their stories. The guys (all LDS) are attracted to men, but still marry/date women. I watched the trailer, and while cringing, I recognized the married guys from their Voices of Hope videos. They are also big North Star advocates, while I am the complete opposite.

I read the articles and comments that followed and really disliked the fact that these guys get a platform to share their story. I hate that these stories will be used by the parents of younger gay Mormons ("These guys can marry women, why can't you?!"). It's sad you never hear about the marriages that DO fail in the mass media. It's sad you never hear about the married men who sneak behind their wives backs and mess around. The Mixed Orientation Marriages get all the attention and support from the hardcore Mormons, and it's always rubbed me the wrong way as most MOM's end in divorce.  I've told myself that I could never marry a woman because it would be selfish. It's not fair to her as I'd never be 100% attracted to her.

But then I had an epiphany of sorts. As I started to accept myself as a gay man years ago, I became more accepting of others. I wanted to help, support, hug, etc. others going through the same thing. That led to me become more accepting of people with different beliefs, different political affiliations, just different people in general. (Basically the less Mormon I am, the more accepting and compassionate I become!) So shouldn't I accept these people who are gay (or 'obviously' bi) and choose to marry a woman? If they're happy, shouldn't I be happy? That's my dilemma. I'm single, never been married, so I can't really speak my opinion from experience. My good blogger friend, Dad's Primal Scream CAN speak from experience and has definitely expressed those views in his last blog post. (He does make some great points, by the way.) So I'm obviously on the fence about my feelings of the latest reality stars.

Now, my main question is: Why? Why would these 7 people share their story on the same network that brought you "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo."  These 7 people will be mocked and laughed at for years to come, and their poor kids will be brought into the mess. The show will likely affect future job opportunities for all involved.

I did some research and found the three married men participated in Journey into Manhood by the organization "People Can Change." I've got the North Star Message Board posts to back that up. JIM is for "men who are self-motivated and serious about resolving unwanted homosexual attractions." Ok, I said I am more accepting of a lot of things these days, but I have a hard time agreeing with this retreat! Man, I'm all over the place with this post. I'm rusty since it's been so long! 

So this brings me to one thought as to why these folks are doing the show -- Could these couples be indirectly promoting the money-making People Can Change organization?! Could the couples get some commission for new referrals?! I know it's a stretch, but this is how I think! The publicity has already worked - their Voices of Hope videos have some of the highest views (which doesn't say much) but I know there are gay Mormons who still want to marry women - and combine the reality show and the JIM retreat, and these couples are bound to get some followers.

Why else would 7 people agree to do this show that's humiliating to the LDS Church, and hasn't even aired yet? Please, enlighten me! 

And since I'm all over the place with this post - I really liked this interview with Wendy Williams Montgomery. 

I need a break.

I need a break.

I need a break from church in general.

I need a break from LDS friends who make snide comments about homosexuals; who find the thought of two men falling in love as "disgusting."

I need a break from trying so hard to be loved by members of the church, when I get more compassion and empathy from people who are no longer Mormon.

I need a break from family members who 'still' ask me when I'm going to get married.

I need a break from worrying so much about the wellbeing of Single Adults in my stake. Some are just plain crazy and need professional help; not just a priesthood blessing.

I need a break from church leaders who give the evil eye when I decide to stay at church for just one of the three hours.

I need a break from following (and obsessing over) the lives of a certain group of gay Mormons. Especially the ones who I apparently make "look bad...."

... and the ones who put gay folks into the same category as Hitler.

I. Need. A. Break.

.......and I need a break from writing about so much negative stuff. :) So, here's a pic of Chris Pratt. Ain't he pretty?

I am an inactive active Mormon. How's that for an oxymoron?

**EDIT**  I noticed a couple other Moho's have blogged about church attendance.  I promise I'm not copying anyone -- this was already on my mind!!  :)

When the alarm goes off Sunday morning, I grunt and groan more than getting up for work.  I don't want to go to church.  Yet I do.  Nearly every Sunday.

I chat and laugh with friends but I leave church feeling empty.  I've learned nothing. My belief is nearly gone. I want to hurry home, change my clothes and watch football.  (I may be gay, but I still enjoy a good game.)

In attending church, I prefer to lay low as much as possible.  I sit in the back and slip out quickly when church is over.  I don't want any attention.  But most Mormons know the moment you try to lay low, you immediately get some big calling that causes you to do the exact opposite. And I recently got THAT calling.  A big one.  I was soooooo close to turning it down, but just didn't have the guts to do so.  Now there's more involvement, more recognition, and more meetings.

By now, you're probably wondering why I just don't leave the church and move on with my gay self.  I wish it were that easy.  The fact that I go to church with nearly zero faith has caused me to do some Internet research and hopefully find some sort of explanation.  (Kind of when I went searching for other gay Mormons on the 'net.)  Turns out, non-believing Mormons and ex-Mormons will still attend church because of 1) social reasons 2) cultural reasons and 3) family.  For me, it's a little bit of all three.  It's hard to let go.

While I wonder who in my ward may also be gay, I also question who may be attending church because their spouse makes them, or because they wouldn't know what else to do on Sunday's, or because they don't want to be THAT family discussed and analyzed in Ward Council.  In an Elders Quorum class of 50, it's always the same 5 or 6 that answer all the questions.  Are at least some feeling the same way I do about church?  They'd rather have a barbecue watching football, than sit through Sunday School.  How do you, my wonderful blog reader, feel about church right now?        

In other news... I'm happy to say my blog hit a lil milestone - 1,000 page views.  (I know that doesn't translate to anywhere near 1,000 people, but still, it puts a smile on my face.)  Thank you all for your comments - both publicly and privately.  Back in the day (a few years ago), reading blogs helped me get through some rough patches and I hope I can continue sharing things that may help the current generation.  Plus, it's nice to get stuff out in the open. Here's to the next 1,000 views and beyond!      

"It's a day off from church!"

This will probably surprise no one, but I really have a hard time during General Conference.  I mainly blame it on my (self-diagnosed) ADD. Sitting still and focusing for long periods of time is virtually impossible.

For example, I love watching baseball games on TV, but I have to be doing at least two other things while watching!  I feel the same way for Conference.  But in the past several years, I've put GC in the background, or just avoid watching it all together.  And things really went downhill after October 8, 2010. (My fellow Moho's should know the significance of this date - which I will write about in a future post.)    

I now constantly roll my eyes while reading some of the Conference related Facebook posts on how excited folks are.  (They're just a little over the top.)  In fact, they've already started. One friend posted that it's only one week until Conference, followed by 14 exclamation points.  Are people REALLY that excited or they just getting bonus blessing points if they express Conference feelings in a public setting?  

I remember back in the day, a lot of my friends would say twice a year, "Yes! We get a day off from church!" I'm sure there are people that still have that attitude, but they'd never post THAT on Facebook!

I also remember a church leader (probably a Stake President) who said that if we were to watch conference at home on the Internet or on TV, to put on our church clothes.  Stuff like that makes me mad because what I do in my home is my business and no one else's.  (I know, I'm such a rebel.)

After my mission, I got really good seats in the Conference Center for the Saturday PM session.... And I fell asleep.  I tried to stay awake.. So hard!  But this was before Smartphones and Twitter, so all I had was an extremely comfortable chair and soothing voices.

So while my overly enthusiastic Facebook friend with 14 exclamation points can't wait for Conference, I just chalk it up as another weekend.  Maybe I'll have it on in the background, while blogging, cleaning and doing laundry at the same time.

You know what happens when you assume...

I've always wondered how many people I know personally are gay.

Many years ago, when I realized I wasn't alone, it became a relief to find other gay Mormons online and chat, share stories, and in some instances, meet in person.

But what about the everyday people I see at church?  My social group?  People at the church activities?  There's gotta be a few more Moho's in the crowd, right?!  But they're too afraid, like me, to come out to the world.  Gaydar always seems to go off in Sacrament meeting.  (and yes, even with the married dudes.)    

I've made a few assumptions here and there among friends and acquaintances.  Disclosure: I'm slightly too old to be a YSA, so I'm always surrounded by Single Adults.  This means the assumptions automatically go up.  I've wondered why some friends aren't married yet and my mind shifts to - 'could they be gay?'  In some cases, though, I find out they're divorced.  (But still, that doesn't mean anything in today's world!)  Some folks in the Single Adult crowd have assumed that I'm divorced.  (So basically, there's a whole lotta assuming going on.)  

Sometimes, I wish us Mohos could have these invisible markers that only other gay Mormons could see.  Yellow dot on the forehead, red x on the hand, rainbow mark on the back of the neck.  Just something that shows, "yes, I'm gay too, let's talk about it."  It probably would have made growing up Mormon a whole lot easier.

But it all goes back to being too afraid to say anything.  I may assume someone is gay, but there's no way I would question them or even hint.  A few people from my mission have since come out of the closet and announced their newly formed relationships or engagements on Facebook.  (And surprisingly, the ratio is much higher for the sister missionaries.)  I'll "Like" the status but just can't come to terms to confessing that I'm gay as well.  (I have told one person from my mission.  He is one of the 'fewer than 10.'  He approached me first, we chatted, and I ended up coming out to him.)  It was a relief, but a little exhausting at the same time.  

So for now, the assumptions will continue.  And I'll keep looking for those dots, X's, or rainbows.  :)  


 

Who is GMS?

I think I'm definitely in the Honeymoon stage of blogging. I have so much in my mind, I want to get it all out there and blog, blog, blog.  I'm sure in a couple weeks, it'll all die down.  But I'll do my best to keep a good rhythm.

Ok.  Q&A time.  As I've mentioned in blog numero uno, I enjoy reading the stories and experiences of other gay Mormons.  But I appreciate it even more when I feel like I know the person.  So here are some typical ice breaker facts to pass along.

If I end an answer with "FBP," look for a Future Blog Post on that particular topic.  (So in essence, I'm preparing my own Table of Contents with this Q&A)

Were you 'born this way'?
Yep.

When did you first realize you were gay?
In elementary school when I was called gay after calling another guy cute.  FBP

What was junior high and high school like?
Junior High was that typical awkward stage, but I loved high school.  Had a good balance of friends, church, family and work.

Did you serve a mission?
Yep.

How was life post-mission?  
Good.  Still kept that good balance of friends and school.

What about the gay thing?
I was still in denial even through college.  I didn't want to call myself gay and still had hopes I would wake up straight one day.   FBP

When did you finally accept yourself as gay?
Not until my first job outside of college.  I got tired of the denial and knew I wasn't going to change.  I actually became a happier person because of it.  FBP

How many people who know you face to face know you're gay?
I hate to say it - but very few.  Less than 10.   FBP

Were you good at hiding it?  
I actually think I was.  I dated a lot of girls and felt I fooled a lot of people.  As I get older though, I'm sure there are plenty of suspicions.  If I came out today, I'm sure most won't be surprised.  FBP

Any family know?
Nope.  (I haven't admitted it. Again, I'm sure there are suspicions.)

You've accepted yourself as gay.  You're also Mormon.  How are the two together? 
It sucks.   FBP

What's your biggest qualm of being gay and Mormon?
I hate how divided all the gay Mormons are.  (The North Star/Evergreen crowd vs. The Affirmation/Mormons Building Bridges crowd)   FBP

Are you active in the church?
I go, but not sure why.  It's become a lot more difficult in the past couple months.  I go mainly for social/cultural reasons.

What advice do you have for other gay Mormons?
Never marry a woman.   FBP

Ever dated a guy?
Nope.

Guy crush?
Top 2 - Josh Duhamel & Jenson Ackles

You love your Mormon bloggers.  Who are your favorites?  
I love 'em all.  (Well, almost all) But a few that I enjoy -- Gay Mormon Pioneer, Broken Lights, In Search of Acceptance, and then the compilation of bloggers at No More Strangers

Any reason?
Their writing styles.. I can relate..  I feel like I know them..  I want to give them all big hugs..

Any more questions from the group?!

That was longer that I expected.  Again - it's the Honeymoon stage.  :)

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