You're taking a break from the church. Now what?

Many of the Moho's I chat with privately have either left the church all together or slowly distancing themselves.

I really struggled on the social aspect since I stopped attending church. When it was time to branch out and meet new people, I was set on meeting other gay Mormons or gay ex-Mormons in person. They were in my comfort zone. But with the millions of people in a 50-mile radius of me, I can count on both hands the number of gay Mormons I know personally. I needed to branch out even more. But how?! For all my life, my main circle of friends have been LDS. Where do I go from here?

Fortunately, there ARE other ways to find friends/dates with similar interests. Below are some ways you can branch out if you've decided to suspend those weekly visits to the LDS Church.

*Reddit - If you'd like to have intelligent conversations with like-minded ex-Mormons or unconventional Mormons, Reddit is a great place to start. The ex-Mormon and Mormon forums are filled with thoughtful information; and a good amount of folks found here are gay. (Some will put a rainbow flag next to their username.) The problem with Reddit is that most people stay anonymous. The nice thing about Reddit is there is a Private Message function to contact potential new friends. If you choose to converse with ExMo's, no matter where you live, you're not alone!

*Tinder - The app helped me come out of the closet. It was the first time I've attached my face publically to a profile. Yes, you gotta weed out those just looking for hook-ups, but I still found great conversation with other gay dudes who live near me. (I have not used Grindr, Jack'd or Scruff, but I'd love to hear experiences/success stories from those who have.)

*OKCupid/Match - I signed up for OKCupid about a month ago, and have had success. I've gone on a few dates with some awesome guys. Match lets you label yourself as "LDS/Mormon" while OKCupid lets you label yourself as Christian. Many people will include the importance of church/religion/spirituality in their profile, which may help you on your search. However, there are some crazies on these sites. Be careful who you give your phone number to. (I learned this the hard way and now have to deal with a gazillion texts from a couple weirdos.)  

*MeetUp - If you're not ready to date, it's nice to find people with similar interests near you. Take note that there is an LGBT category.

*Gay Christian Network - I don't know much about the group, and the forums are kinda slow, but if you're set on finding gay people with a similar upbringing, you may peruse a bit here. After a search of the forums, you may find a local Facebook group that's likely a little more active.

*Gay sports - My buddy Evan left this comment on a blog post:   "Can I recommend gay sports? I joined a rock climbing group last year and it completely changed my social life. Everyone was so friendly, welcome, and genuine and we get to do just casual hang out stuff (this Friday some guys are going to do karaoke). I know they are particularly common in my area, but there are often a range of LGBT sports and arts groups in each city."

My point is that your social life doesn't have to evolve around Mormonism. It took me awhile to figure that out, but now I've spread my wings a bit and am in a much better place. 

What outlets have you used to find new friends/relationships/dates? Leave your thoughts in the comments! 

Sometimes I just wanna eat dinner on the patio

No idea who these people are. Just your basic stock photo. :)

First off, thanks to all of you who responded to my "Who Are You?" idea. I've got some great stories from readers and looking forward to sharing. (If you're wondering what this is all about, or you'd like to contribute - check out the last post for details.)

Moving on. The more I've accepted my sexuality, the less active I've become in the LDS Church. I've wanted to stay under the radar when it comes to church activity, and I've successfully done so. Here's how I did it:

1. Move out of the old ward.
2. Transfer records to the new ward.
3. Don't go to the new ward.

I've only been contacted twice since moving to my new place. Both included a casual invite to attend church, but neither carried much pressure.

The break from church has been nice - I'm less stressed, anxiety has gone down, and I don't feel as depressed. Plus having a full weekend - 2 whole days - is pretty dang awesome.

But there are some repercussions from flying under the radar: my social life has disintegrated. All my life, my main circle of friends have been people in my ward, stake, seminary, institute, etc. etc. Yes, there have been co-worker friends, neighborhood friends, etc., but the majority have been from church. Now that I've moved (about 25 miles) from the old ward, starting anew socially has been difficult. While I consider myself an extrovert, I've really struggled making new friends outside of the Mormon bubble.

Online friends/acquaintances suggest I look for people on Meetup or try a gay bar/church/hangout. But the thought of that gives me as much anxiety as returning to church! 

I realized just how much I miss social outings a couple weeks ago; I met up with my old group of church friends. (We could meet more often, but our current distance makes it a real challenge.) It was a simple restaurant dinner out on the patio. The weather was amazing, food was good, and I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with everyone. We all laughed and had a great time. I miss these moments I've taken for granted for the past 20 years.

I know what you're thinking. "GMS, you've decided to not go to church anymore, so quit being a cry baby and find some new friends." (While the TBM's are likely suggesting I just go back to church.) And I could respond with: "Yes, you're probably right. I need to get out more." Seeing this all typed out is somewhat of a motivation to get be back on the social track. Stay tuned.

And if you think you live near me (not in Utah), hit me up! :)