Falling into old habits: dating Mormon guys

Hello! How's everybody doing? The Moho blogosphere has been kinda quiet and uneventful as of late, and I too haven't had much motivation to speak my mind. But it's a quiet Sunday and thought I'd toss out a random story.

In my post where I said 'so long' to the LDS Church, I made a comment that my social and dating circle has grown by leaps and bounds since separating myself from Mormonism. That statement is still true, but I've also fallen into an old habit: only seeking out Mormon guys to date. I don't know why. I consider myself an ex-Mormon, yet still find myself attracted to others with an LDS background. I guess the ole "Can leave the church but can't leave it alone" statement really resonates with me.

Many years ago, a friend actively involved in North Star said, "I will never date guys, but if I did, I would never date another Mormon." When he said this, I thought he was crazy. But now, all these years later, I understand why he made that comment.

For example...

I met a Moho on Tinder. Very sweet, caring, little younger than me. He actively dates guys, yet still actively goes to church every week. His bishop doesn't seem to care. He has his doubts about the church, but he'd rather attend church with his friends that contemplate the veracity of the gospel.

I met another Moho on OKCupid. He was married to a woman and has a couple kids. (He's now divorced.) Former Bishopric counselor. Very compassionate, patient, amazing cuddler. He doesn't attend church anymore, but still believes the LDS Church is the only true church on the face of the earth.

Another Moho dates men, stopped attending church, but still has LDS themed art and temple pictures hanging in his home. He'll tell me that he misses going to church.

It's been a challenge to go out with Moho's with conflicting beliefs. I've had a few disagreements with these guys in casual conversations.

(I'm sure you're curious as to how I 'find' all these Mormons. When using apps like Tinder or OKCupid it's easy to spot the Mohos. Profiles with BYU or BYU-Idaho or Univ. of Utah, etc. will always catch my attention. Plus when you land on a Tinder profile and together you have more than 5 mutual friends that are LDS, chances are that person is also LDS.)

It's frustrating, but I know how these guys feel. I was on the fence for so long! Trying to balance my homosexuality with my church attendance. It wasn't until I decide to leave one (the church) and accept the other (my gayness) that I saw the light and became perfectly content. So why am I still attracted to the fence sitters?! I do not try to de-convert these guys and persuade them to leave like I did. I guess I don't have an answer.

Finding other gay Mormons makes for an easy conversation starter. It's the perfect ice breaker. (You're gay AND you served an LDS mission?! So did I!) Bam. Instant friendship. But the more you find out about each other, the more confused you get. (I should have listened to my North Star friend - he actually had a point!) A year ago, I wouldn't have a problem going out with these guys. But now as a non-believer, it's turned into a deal breaker. (Yep, I used ice breaker and deal breaker in the same paragraph!)

So in the never-ending battle of dating guys, I need to focus more on people who have no knowledge of the LDS Church. (Or ex-Mormons. I don't have a problem going out with people who have completely left the church, like I have.) ... We'll just not leave it alone together. :)

A gay Mormon's adventures on Tinder (part 2)

Hello and Merry Christmas! The Moho blogosphere has died down a bit since the unexpected announcement on the Handbook revision. I'm still pissed about it, but feel it's the right time to return to my random, light-hearted ramblings. So...let's talk about Tinder, again.

Earlier this year, I decided to join the Tinder game. The app uses your location to find potential matches/dates. You get a stack of profiles with pictures and a short paragraph, and you swipe left if the person is a "NO." Swipe right if you're interested. If you both swipe right, then it's a match, and you can chat.

I made a post right after I downloaded the app, so I was an extreme novice. My buddy over at The Mostly Unfabulous Life of a Mormon Boy requested an update (6 months ago.) So here it is!

I have a typical introductory paragraph on Tinder. Simple but nothing too "out there." But if I deleted my description and wrote about my ACTUAL life, it would be:

30-something disaffected gay Mormon who is still kind of in the closet. I've never had a serious relationship with a guy. I like cuddling. 

Fortunately, my description is nothing like the above, and I've matched with a handful of guys.

I still use the app and below you'll find a list of my experiences/thoughts on Tinder. Now, I've had some great things happen with the app and met some awesome people, but this will focus on the weirder/unique side. (because that's more fun to blog about!)

Here we go....

• I matched with a guy about 7 years younger than me who keeps calling me "Daddy."
• I did a quick Google search on a match, and found his mugshot. 
• Another Google search on a different guy led me to a match's naked pictures and videos. 
• I matched with a great guy, then found out he was married (to a woman.) Very unfortunate as the dude is hot. 
• I've learned that any guy "22 miles away" from me is most likely someone who has a long layover at the airport in my city.  (Meaning it's highly unlikely I'll ever meet this person.)
• Correct grammar is such a turn-on. 
• Height is such a big deal on Tinder, (or at least gay Tinder!) it's fascinating to me. (If anyone cares, I'm 6'1"!)
• While swiping through profiles, I found a guy who was obviously in an LDS Chapel. (carpeted walls, Jesus pic, etc.) Sadly, we didn't match. Where art thou mystery Moho?!  
• Having a co-worker pop up is quite awkward. 
• Getting compliments still makes me feel all tingly inside. 

Ok, that last one wasn't awkward. Basically I think Tinder is a nice stepping stone in this whole coming-out journey and accepting myself. I'm not hiding behind an alias. It's almost liberating that I just get to be myself.

Maybe Part 3 will be some kind of success story! :-)

As a true southpaw, swiping LEFT on the rejects is slightly offensive

I got bored this past weekend. A little too bored.

I was in the mood to do something adventurous. I've heard a lot of talk about Tinder and thought, 'eh, what the heck?'

This is a huge step. I'm only out to close family and a few friends, so attaching my face and name on a dating app was a little nerveracking.

(For those of you who don't know, Tinder is a "location-based social discovery application that facilitates communication between mutually interested users." Thank you Wikipedia.)

I downloaded the app to my tablet, connected to my Facebook profile, to which it defaulted to 'search for women,' which made me chuckle. I switched it to 'men' and fastened my seatbelt.

If you see someone you like, you swipe to the right, if you'd rather pass on someone, swipe to the left. As if lefties don't deal with enough difficulties in a right-dominated world, swiping to the left for the "thanks, but no thanks" options adds a little salt to the wound. But I digress.

This is how my extremely short evening went:

Ooh. He's cute. Swipe right.
What is he wearing?! Swipe left.
Nice body, but I don't see a face. Swipe left.
Oh my gosh. I love him. Swipe right.
Please keep your freaking tongue in your mouth. Swipe left.
Duck face on a dude is just not attractive. Swipe left.
He's my age and we have lots of similar interests?! Swipe right.
I'm like a kid in a candy store. A candy store full of pretty men.

Then about 3 minutes later...

I get a notification: "It's a match!"
Wait. What?! I just signed up for this thing. How do I already have a match?!
(Pause for explanation: I swiped right on his profile. He swiped right on mine.)
Yes, he's cute. The feelings are mutual?! I can't believe this. Oh boy, this is all happening so fast.
I can't concentrate anymore and am done swiping.
I get a notification: Match dude has sent me a message?!
What?! What do I do?!
Way too fast! I can't take the pressure!
I freeze.
I log out.
I kinda freak out, but with a smile on my face.
Is this real life?
To be continued....