June 26, 2015: The day to clean out your Facebook friends list... Oh, and the whole gay marriage thing. :)

It was a good Friday. I was so happy to witness history. Gay marriage is legal in all 50 states. (I guess we can just call it 'marriage' now.)

I think I did a record number of "Likes" over the weekend as people were proclaiming their happiness and friends (both gay and straight) changed their profile pics to the rainbow filter.

Then came the hate.

Around 95% of the rude comments I witnessed came from people claiming to be LDS. Now, I can handle a healthy argument from both sides, but the comments and snide remarks I saw were the complete opposite of Christlike. I'd love for the straight, church-going, married-in-the-temple folks to walk a day in my shoes and see if their opinions would change. (Probably not, but thought I'd throw out the opportunity.)

I then realized - I don't need these negative people in my life. It was time for a Facebook Friend Cleanse, if you will. One by one, I unfriended these people, and it felt good. I was probably going to delete these friends anyway at some point, and this weekend was the perfect time to do so. My feed is now happier and much less depressing. Facebook is a good representation of my real life, too. The more and more I separate myself from the LDS Church, the happier I've become. (Full explanation of this separation is scheduled for a future blog post.) :)

Again, I'm happy for my friends who can now marry the person they love. And I hope to do the same someday. 

And to those former FB friends - seriously - how could you NOT shed a little tear for the above couple in their 80's who waited 54 years to get married?! I mean, that's pure love right there. 

That moment when you can't stop thinking about a movie on Netflix

I have a problem.

I am a constant multitasker, which means I always have to be doing more than one thing. When I'm at my desk at work, I'm usually listening to music or TV in the background and probably working on 2 or 3 projects at the same time. When I watch TV, I'm usually on my computer or phone. When I'm driving, I'm on the phone (not texting) and usually sipping a cold soda. When I'm reading a book, my mind wanders, and I usually give up after a few pages.

But a movie I watched last night on Netflix got my undivided attention and I'm still thinking about it the next day.

It was a slow Friday night. Work was busy all week and I was out late doing other obligations. So by Friday night, I just wanted a simple evening, alone. I treated myself to some Taco Bell (I know, so bad, but so good) and pulled up Netflix using my Chromecast. Now, in the past, I've had several Moho's suggest I watch the gay-themed movies offered, so that's where my search started. BTW, if you've searched for the gay movies on Netflix, you'll know that most look really cheesy and several only get one to two stars.

However, a movie called "The Way He Looks" got a surprising 5 stars on Netflix and a very impressive 91% on Rotten Tomatoes. Bingo. So I got comfortable and started watching. And I'm sure you're asking by now: how did this movie get my undivided attention? Well, it's in Portuguese so I had to read subtitles. :) This means no phone, no Facebook, no Twitter, no Reddit for 96 minutes. My eyes stayed on the TV the entire time, minus a 2-minute bathroom break.

But even if there were no subtitles, I still would be 100% focused - it's that good. Not to give too much away, because I think you, yes you, should see this movie. To summarize the summary from IMDB - Leo, a blind teen, is looking for independence. His best friend is a girl. But falls in love with new guy Gabriel.

When the credits rolled, I just sat there motionless. (This never happens!) I reflected on my own life. My own experiences. I thought about the impactful scenes I just saw in the movie. Movies don't usually affect me (I'm more of a series TV watcher) but this one I just can't get out of my mind. (And I have to give credit to the amazing actors. I thought Ghilherme Lobo, who plays Leo, is really blind in real life. Turns out, he's just really good at playing blind.)

I contemplated heavily after the movie because I missed out on so much of this 'gay' stuff, thanks to the darn church. As seen in the movie, I too developed feelings for guys while in high school, but all had to be squashed because, back then, it was wrong. I missed out on all this growing up and I got to live vicariously, for 96 minutes, through the actors.

Sigh.

I'm still hoping for the day I can eat Taco Bell on Friday's with someone special then snuggle up with him watching Netflix. (and maybe we'll watch a cheesy gay flick this go around.)

(And somebody PLEASE watch this movie so we can chat about it!)

As a true southpaw, swiping LEFT on the rejects is slightly offensive

I got bored this past weekend. A little too bored.

I was in the mood to do something adventurous. I've heard a lot of talk about Tinder and thought, 'eh, what the heck?'

This is a huge step. I'm only out to close family and a few friends, so attaching my face and name on a dating app was a little nerveracking.

(For those of you who don't know, Tinder is a "location-based social discovery application that facilitates communication between mutually interested users." Thank you Wikipedia.)

I downloaded the app to my tablet, connected to my Facebook profile, to which it defaulted to 'search for women,' which made me chuckle. I switched it to 'men' and fastened my seatbelt.

If you see someone you like, you swipe to the right, if you'd rather pass on someone, swipe to the left. As if lefties don't deal with enough difficulties in a right-dominated world, swiping to the left for the "thanks, but no thanks" options adds a little salt to the wound. But I digress.

This is how my extremely short evening went:

Ooh. He's cute. Swipe right.
What is he wearing?! Swipe left.
Nice body, but I don't see a face. Swipe left.
Oh my gosh. I love him. Swipe right.
Please keep your freaking tongue in your mouth. Swipe left.
Duck face on a dude is just not attractive. Swipe left.
He's my age and we have lots of similar interests?! Swipe right.
I'm like a kid in a candy store. A candy store full of pretty men.

Then about 3 minutes later...

I get a notification: "It's a match!"
Wait. What?! I just signed up for this thing. How do I already have a match?!
(Pause for explanation: I swiped right on his profile. He swiped right on mine.)
Yes, he's cute. The feelings are mutual?! I can't believe this. Oh boy, this is all happening so fast.
I can't concentrate anymore and am done swiping.
I get a notification: Match dude has sent me a message?!
What?! What do I do?!
Way too fast! I can't take the pressure!
I freeze.
I log out.
I kinda freak out, but with a smile on my face.
Is this real life?
To be continued....

If I were Josh Weed, I'd be pretty pissed right now

It's quite obvious, but I try my best to remain anonymous. Some of you know who I am. Some know what I look like. And some of you are my Facebook friends. But I have a list of reasons as to why I hide my true identity, and what I learned today is another good reason for staying anonymous.

On Monday, I learned through a Slate article that a bunch of LDS gay men and their wives are listed in an amicus brief collaborated by an attorney in Utah. Their stories are reasons why the Supreme Court should rule AGAINST marriage equality. The brief pulled a bunch of quotes from various Voices of Hope videos, which are public record.

The Slate article pulls a quote from the brief that I found the most impactful: "a Constitutional right to same-sex marriage can only come at the cost of marginalizing and demeaning the marriages and families" of gay men married to straight women.

Seriously?! Sheesh. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be put in the same category at these guys - being gay and Mormon.

Well, today I learned that Josh Weed is pretty upset (just like me!). You see, he and his wife were listed in the amicus brief, therefore they must be against gay marriage. Turns out, they're not. According to a Salt Lake Tribune article, they did not give consent to be listed in the brief, nor do they believe in this point of view. Good for him. I'm glad he spoke up and kinda gave a big ole middle finger to the amicus brief. (I'm now curious as to the other couples listed in the brief. I'm sure none of them gave consent either, and I'm wondering if they're just as upset as the Weed's. I heard there was chatter on the North Star private FB page, which I do not belong to. Anyone care to fill us in?!)

Yes, I did call out Josh Weed in the past for posting a blog in favor of gay marriage, and then pulling it around General Conference, but I have gained a little more admiration for the guy in speaking out this week. I still am not a fan of gay men marrying women, so we're still not 100% friends yet, but this is an improvement. ;)

Back to the whole anonymous stuff I mentioned at the beginning of this post... I'd hate to have my name attached to something I didn't agree with. I warned gay Mormons a little over a year ago, to proceed with caution in recording a Voice of Hope video. My reasoning back then was your opinions about LGBT issues would likely change, and having a permanent video on the Internet may not be the best idea. Now you have to deal with your real name being included in random amicus briefs (or is it amici?!) that may or may not reflect your actual views.

The real me is careful as to what I post on social media, while the gay Mormon me continues to play it extra safe -- total anonymity.

Confession time! Here's what's on your mind - Round 2

Two weeks ago, I started the 2nd annual Moho Confessionals. I requested anonymous secrets from you all on what it's like to be gay and Mormon. Below are the 14 confessions I received. (Which is considerably less than the 26 I received the first go around!!) But there are a few differences this time. The secrets are deeper, more surprising, and more complicated. I've had to tell myself it's all about quality than quantity in putting together this post! I wish some of these comments WERE NOT anonymous because I have a few follow-up questions to these!

The secrets below are unedited. I'd love to hear your response.

And finally, the last confession is actually looking for some advice. Please direct any suggestions to this Moho in the comments.

This concludes my commentary. The below points are all user submitted.

• I skipped Elder's Quorum Presidency meeting last week to get tattooed - I now have two tattoos and three body piercings ... and my wife still hasn't noticed

• I'm not LDS.  I found some Moho blogs some years ago when I was first coming out and found it interesting to see a similar experience from another perspective.  The thing is, I'm now a well-adjusted, out gay guy and I still read these.  I don't know why I still read them.  I feel sort of bad about it, actually.  I recently made a friend who's a gay Mormon and I feel especially weird about it around him.  I'm worried he will think I'm really strange if he finds out. 

• I think I've subconsciously antagonized every romantic relationship I've ever been in, both male and female, simply because I'm afraid I'm making the wrong choice

• Sometimes, I wonder if I might be bi, and I am to scared to try being with a woman.

• started texting a guy in my ward I was 93% certain that was gay. I finally screw up enough courage after 3ish months to ask the guy out on a date. Get rejected. Like a boss. kidding he was really nice about it saying how that he "admired my courage" and all but wanted to stay friends. I can't help but wonder is it because I'm not good enough, or does he just not want to date.

• I've been married for almost 17 years - wife, 2 kids, still active in church ... and I also have a boyfriend.

• I've tried so hard to balance being gay and LDS, but once I concluded the church isn't true, it's tons easier to separate myself from religion.

• Gay, Mormon and wondering if I want to break any commandments before I get endowed.  Nah, probably not.

• I'm 31 and have had body image issues since about 2nd grade. I haven't been shirtless in public for about 14 years now and haven't been to a swimming pool in as many years. I've been out and trying to date for 3 years now but have never been on a 2nd date and am still a complete virgin.

• My wife said I was gay and thus didn't really love her.  Then she left me for another woman.

• When I was in high school, another boy in my ward and I would feel each other up while riding in the YM Presiden'ts van on the way to our early morning monthly temple trips. We always pretended to be sleeping. The van didn't have good heating, so he always had blankets. Am I going to hell?

• I have a weakness for hot Asian guys. I dream about Steven Yeun from the Walking Dead.

• I did all the things that were expected of a good Mormon boy, return missionary, BYU grad, etc. Broke up with my college girlfriend when I moved away from Happy Valley (it was time to put up or shut up - so thankful that I shut up! Tho she was and still is an amazing woman) and met my first boyfriend about a year later.  Actually he was the first person I ever met that was openly gay. Many years later reconnected with my college girlfriend on Facebook.  She is now living her happily ever after with her wife.

• Preparing to serve a mission... any advice on how not to fall in love with one's companion?

 

Deadline extended! There's still time to confess!

At my work, we'll have contests to recognize outstanding work in various departments. However, to win the contest, you have to submit your own work. An email will go out with the deadline to submit, and a couple days before, we'll usually get another email that says "Deadline extended!" What that email really means is that few people submitted their work, and they just need more entries.

That's what is happening right now! Last week, I asked folks to anonymously submit a secret or confession on being gay and Mormon (or just gay!) I got several responses, but just not enough to make a whole blog post about them. (And well below the 26 responses I got the first go around.)

I made the original deadline today, but let's see what happens if I tack on another week! (So Sunday, March 29, 2014.)

Use the Contact Form on the right and tell me something interesting about you. (If you don't like the word "confession," just think of it as an icebreaker at a party where you ramble off a couple facts no one knows about you.) It's cathartic, fun, and I've promised to throw in a couple of my secrets as well!

Again, this is done 100% anonymously and I have no way to track you down. So before you leave this page, tell me something about you!

Here are random things you can submit (these are just ideas; do what you want!) which I'll share in a future blog post:

• Celebrity crushes
• Friend crushes
• Coming out stories
• Still in the closet stories
• What's it REALLY like being gay and Mormon
• Secrets from the married crowd 
• How you REALLY feel about General Conference 
• How the church handles LGBT issues
• Etc, etc. 

Be brief and make this fun! Check out last week's post for a review.

Moho Confessionals: Tell me a secret, part deux

It's time for the 2nd Annual Moho Confessionals brought to you by you, the wonderful reader!

This all started after a post I made in 2013 where I rambled off a few personal facts and thoughts. That gave me the idea to ask for facts and thoughts from you all. Days later, I had 26 confessions covering what it's like to be gay and Mormon.

It's been over a year since those 26 anonymous items were released, so I thought it would be time to do it again! (New readers, new ideas, new updates.) That last one MAY be an oxymoron.

A year ago, I did this mainly for fun, but have learned that this could be in someway cathartic. Through personal chats and conversations, I've learned that many Moho's are still very much in the closet. I've learned that some married Moho's are confused, struggling, unsure of their future. I've learned that some Moho's are having serious doubts with the church and its doctrine. I've also learned that many of you are happy being gay and life's going well. I could go on and on. Sharing these deep thoughts and feelings is a step in the right direction. We can't keep all this stuff bottled up, even if it's done anonymously.

And on that note, send me your secrets! What's on your mind? What's something few people know about you?

Use the Contact Form on the right.
Put "Anonymous" under Name.
MY email address under Email (gaymormonsouthpaw AT gmail DOT com.)
Give me a line or two of your secret under Message.

If you remain anonymous, and I encourage it, I have NO way to track you down. (I'm just not tech-y enough!) If you're on a mobile or tablet, you can email the above address from your fake email address. (I know you have one!)

Here are a couple from last year:

• I have a crush on my best friend. We haven't been friends for all that long (we met recently through MoHo circles), but I can't see myself living without him.
• I love fun and sexy underwear! Wearing garments was excruciating for me and I'm so glad to not be wearing them anymore. You never know, that forgettable guy in front of you in the checkout line might be me wearing bright pink briefs.

Same rules as last time. PG-13ish and nothing that could get you arrested. Don't leave anything below in the comments section.

Be funny or be serious. It's up to you! And I'll be sure to throw in a couple of MY secrets as well!

BTW, even if you're not LDS, feel free to share a secret too.

Deadline is Sunday, March 22, 2015.

Now, get to work! :)