Game show eye candy

I really love a good game show. While I prefer game shows from before I was born, (eg Match Game from the 70's) there are some good ones on today.

Case in point - Hollywood Game Night. It's fast paced and entertaining. And I enjoy seeing celebrities outside their acting element (and even their interviewee element too.) But the icing on the cake for Hollywood Game Night - there's some good eye candy. And yes, while there are some beautiful females on the show, I'd like to talk about the men. (Duh, I'm gay.) :)

Without further ado...

Matthew Morrison

Zachary Quinto

Jerry Ferrara

David Walton

John Legend

Curtis Stone

Mario Lopez

Dax Shepard

Joe Manganiello

Brandon T. Jackson

David Giuntoli

Jason Sudeikis

Darren Criss

Zachary Levi

Etc. etc. etc. Ok, many of the above aren't necessary A-list celebrities, but they're still pretty. And there have been many other pretty men on the show, but the above is a good sample.

Watching good looking celebrities, male and female, raising money for charity, I guess is quite the turn on!

But in a recent episode, I was a little mesmerized by two celebrity contestants:

Nate Berkus and Rocco Dispirito. Again, not A-list by any means, but these two had some sort of bromance going on that made the episode extra special. Everytime the camera went to the celebrities, I would see what these two were doing. Friendly touching, smiling at each other, arm around the other, leaning on. (Sorry, no pictures except for the one above, so you'll just have to imagine it.) Dare I say - it was kinda hot.

I can't really explain why these contestants caught my attention. (And give me a reason to write a WHOLE blog post!) Rocco is straight, married to a woman, Nate is gay married to a man. Maybe the straight/gay friendship/bromance is especially exciting to me? Maybe I'm jealous and want this type of friendship with a straight guy? Maybe it's a way to denounce homophobia? Rocco cooks, Nate decorates homes and that combination is perfect?

In any event, it was a fun, eye pleasing episode.

BTW, this week's episode (Sept. 1) includes Jeff Dye and Joe Jonas. Hmm. After typing all this out, I guess I have a thing for brunettes. :)

Cafeteria gay Mormons have it the hardest

I've been thinking the last couple days and developed this opinion. The topics I'm about to bring up are all my thoughts, and you're free to disagree! And since I'm such a nice guy, I am capable of swaying my opinion with the right arguments.

Here goes.

When it comes to confusion, wasted time, depression, and overall difficulty, I believe that the cafeteria gay Mormons have it the hardest.

Before you throw your tomatoes, let me try and explain.

As I've already discussed the different types of gay Mormons, I feel the need to point out the different type of Mormons. The two main categories I can identify with are:

TBM - or True-Believing Mormon 
Church is 100% true
You go to church every week, participate, honor your callings, etc.
Growing up, I never really had many TBM friends. The ones on my mission, I struggled to get along with.
Oh, and I know you are a TBM if  you have a picture of a temple or some GA's quote on your Facebook timeline. (This is somewhat of a joke; I'm not trying to be rude!) :)

Cafeteria Mormons
Believe in the church to an extent, but realize there are issues with church history, etc.
Pick and choose what commandments/church rules you follow.
Personally, I've always prefered to befriend these slightly more liberal Mormons. I feel more comfortable around them.

(There are also New Order Mormons, Jack Mormons, and probably a bunch of other little subgroups.) 

Now my explanation:

I want to focus on the "wasted time" issue. In my 20's, I was always on the fence of staying with the church or leaving it to pursue a gay relationship. Early on, I wanted to remain active. I spent many years trying to be a good guy, albeit never a TBM, and thought that if I sailed by performing my callings, serving a mission, being a good example, that someday I'd wake up straight and live happily ever after with my wife and 2.5 kids. But I've never been strict on myself when it comes to keeping the Sabbath Day holy or even the Word of Wisdom. I was the first to complain about all those meetings before AND after church.

Once I figured out that I would never wake up straight, having this 'cafeteria' attitude meant that I started to believe that gay relationships were OK, even though the church was against it. TBM's hated me because I was living in sin. Gay TBM's hated me because I was a bad example.

I wasted at least 10 years because I was a cafeteria Mormon. The constant back and forth/picking and choosing makes me want to pull my hair out! If I had jumped ship early on, my life would be much different, and probably happier.

TBM's who happen to be gay see their homosexuality or "SSA" as a trial, something they'll overcome either in this life or the next. There was never a fence. They're not "wasting time" like I am, because they made the promise to follow the commandments and guidelines of the church. They've accepted the fact that they'll either remain celibate, or if things work out, they'll marry someone of the opposite sex. Yes, many are depressed and I've witnessed a lot of self-loathing, but it seems after prayer, reading the scriptures, hanging with their support groups, they seem to (temporarily) snap out of it and move on. Straight TBM's LOVE them. No matter the trial, gay TBM's always seem to overcome it once they've accepted Christ's atonement. (Something that I've never been able to do.) Do I wish I grew up a TBM? No.

So -- if you're reading this, call yourself a cafeteria Mormon, and just realized you're gay, you've got a long, confusing road ahead. If you're TBM, you probably won't be reading my blog anyway. :)

I had a bunch of stuff in my head this week, but as I type it out, it's not sending the message I had hoped. Maybe you all can help. Any thoughts? Do Cafeteria gay Mormons have it tougher?

Well, at least he got to witness gay marriage legalized in the U.S.

As folks post their remembrances and favorite talks of President Boyd K. Packer, I'm really struggling to think of anything positive about the man.

As always, my condolences to the family of a leader who devoted his life to the church, but Packer is the reason I began to distance myself from the LDS faith.

First off, I'm one of the "dangers" he spoke of in this now infamous talk.

Then there's all the talk about my "little factory."

For non-members, in the third paragraph of his official AP obituary, there's already mention of why he wasn't a favorite.

But it wasn't until his 2010 General Conference talk that pushed me into a deep depression of trying to be both gay and Mormon. I heard these words live with about 10 close friends huddled around a TV:

"Some suppose that they were pre-set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural. Not so! Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember he is our father." 

Yes, the talk was edited for the print version, but the damage had already been done. These talks are reviewed and edited by many before they're given over the pulpit, and I never understood how the above paragraph got the final approval.

For many members so devoted to the gospel, the above words and talks just push them even harder to overcome masturbation and homosexual thoughts and actions. And this caused some to be pushed to an even deeper form of depression and self-hate, and yes, I hate to say it - but some were even pushed to suicide. Looking back, I'm glad I wasn't as strong and devoted as some of my peers. Five years after that talk, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't slowly let go from Mormonism.

I'm just glad Packer was able to see gay marriage legalized in all 50 states. He tried so hard to denounce homosexuality, I hope he was able to see at least a few people happy after last Friday's ruling.

I'll leave a Facebook comment left on a Mormon themed news site. It was left by another gay Mormon who put Packer's death in a blunt but appropriate light. (And also inspired me to write this blog post.)

"I wish I could say I was heartbroken; President Packer was a difficult man to love. But I wish him a peaceful rest and his family, solace. 

May his angry and thorough misreadings of God's message of love travel with him to the grave." 

June 26, 2015: The day to clean out your Facebook friends list... Oh, and the whole gay marriage thing. :)

It was a good Friday. I was so happy to witness history. Gay marriage is legal in all 50 states. (I guess we can just call it 'marriage' now.)

I think I did a record number of "Likes" over the weekend as people were proclaiming their happiness and friends (both gay and straight) changed their profile pics to the rainbow filter.

Then came the hate.

Around 95% of the rude comments I witnessed came from people claiming to be LDS. Now, I can handle a healthy argument from both sides, but the comments and snide remarks I saw were the complete opposite of Christlike. I'd love for the straight, church-going, married-in-the-temple folks to walk a day in my shoes and see if their opinions would change. (Probably not, but thought I'd throw out the opportunity.)

I then realized - I don't need these negative people in my life. It was time for a Facebook Friend Cleanse, if you will. One by one, I unfriended these people, and it felt good. I was probably going to delete these friends anyway at some point, and this weekend was the perfect time to do so. My feed is now happier and much less depressing. Facebook is a good representation of my real life, too. The more and more I separate myself from the LDS Church, the happier I've become. (Full explanation of this separation is scheduled for a future blog post.) :)

Again, I'm happy for my friends who can now marry the person they love. And I hope to do the same someday. 

And to those former FB friends - seriously - how could you NOT shed a little tear for the above couple in their 80's who waited 54 years to get married?! I mean, that's pure love right there. 

That moment when you can't stop thinking about a movie on Netflix

I have a problem.

I am a constant multitasker, which means I always have to be doing more than one thing. When I'm at my desk at work, I'm usually listening to music or TV in the background and probably working on 2 or 3 projects at the same time. When I watch TV, I'm usually on my computer or phone. When I'm driving, I'm on the phone (not texting) and usually sipping a cold soda. When I'm reading a book, my mind wanders, and I usually give up after a few pages.

But a movie I watched last night on Netflix got my undivided attention and I'm still thinking about it the next day.

It was a slow Friday night. Work was busy all week and I was out late doing other obligations. So by Friday night, I just wanted a simple evening, alone. I treated myself to some Taco Bell (I know, so bad, but so good) and pulled up Netflix using my Chromecast. Now, in the past, I've had several Moho's suggest I watch the gay-themed movies offered, so that's where my search started. BTW, if you've searched for the gay movies on Netflix, you'll know that most look really cheesy and several only get one to two stars.

However, a movie called "The Way He Looks" got a surprising 5 stars on Netflix and a very impressive 91% on Rotten Tomatoes. Bingo. So I got comfortable and started watching. And I'm sure you're asking by now: how did this movie get my undivided attention? Well, it's in Portuguese so I had to read subtitles. :) This means no phone, no Facebook, no Twitter, no Reddit for 96 minutes. My eyes stayed on the TV the entire time, minus a 2-minute bathroom break.

But even if there were no subtitles, I still would be 100% focused - it's that good. Not to give too much away, because I think you, yes you, should see this movie. To summarize the summary from IMDB - Leo, a blind teen, is looking for independence. His best friend is a girl. But falls in love with new guy Gabriel.

When the credits rolled, I just sat there motionless. (This never happens!) I reflected on my own life. My own experiences. I thought about the impactful scenes I just saw in the movie. Movies don't usually affect me (I'm more of a series TV watcher) but this one I just can't get out of my mind. (And I have to give credit to the amazing actors. I thought Ghilherme Lobo, who plays Leo, is really blind in real life. Turns out, he's just really good at playing blind.)

I contemplated heavily after the movie because I missed out on so much of this 'gay' stuff, thanks to the darn church. As seen in the movie, I too developed feelings for guys while in high school, but all had to be squashed because, back then, it was wrong. I missed out on all this growing up and I got to live vicariously, for 96 minutes, through the actors.

Sigh.

I'm still hoping for the day I can eat Taco Bell on Friday's with someone special then snuggle up with him watching Netflix. (and maybe we'll watch a cheesy gay flick this go around.)

(And somebody PLEASE watch this movie so we can chat about it!)

As a true southpaw, swiping LEFT on the rejects is slightly offensive

I got bored this past weekend. A little too bored.

I was in the mood to do something adventurous. I've heard a lot of talk about Tinder and thought, 'eh, what the heck?'

This is a huge step. I'm only out to close family and a few friends, so attaching my face and name on a dating app was a little nerveracking.

(For those of you who don't know, Tinder is a "location-based social discovery application that facilitates communication between mutually interested users." Thank you Wikipedia.)

I downloaded the app to my tablet, connected to my Facebook profile, to which it defaulted to 'search for women,' which made me chuckle. I switched it to 'men' and fastened my seatbelt.

If you see someone you like, you swipe to the right, if you'd rather pass on someone, swipe to the left. As if lefties don't deal with enough difficulties in a right-dominated world, swiping to the left for the "thanks, but no thanks" options adds a little salt to the wound. But I digress.

This is how my extremely short evening went:

Ooh. He's cute. Swipe right.
What is he wearing?! Swipe left.
Nice body, but I don't see a face. Swipe left.
Oh my gosh. I love him. Swipe right.
Please keep your freaking tongue in your mouth. Swipe left.
Duck face on a dude is just not attractive. Swipe left.
He's my age and we have lots of similar interests?! Swipe right.
I'm like a kid in a candy store. A candy store full of pretty men.

Then about 3 minutes later...

I get a notification: "It's a match!"
Wait. What?! I just signed up for this thing. How do I already have a match?!
(Pause for explanation: I swiped right on his profile. He swiped right on mine.)
Yes, he's cute. The feelings are mutual?! I can't believe this. Oh boy, this is all happening so fast.
I can't concentrate anymore and am done swiping.
I get a notification: Match dude has sent me a message?!
What?! What do I do?!
Way too fast! I can't take the pressure!
I freeze.
I log out.
I kinda freak out, but with a smile on my face.
Is this real life?
To be continued....

If I were Josh Weed, I'd be pretty pissed right now

It's quite obvious, but I try my best to remain anonymous. Some of you know who I am. Some know what I look like. And some of you are my Facebook friends. But I have a list of reasons as to why I hide my true identity, and what I learned today is another good reason for staying anonymous.

On Monday, I learned through a Slate article that a bunch of LDS gay men and their wives are listed in an amicus brief collaborated by an attorney in Utah. Their stories are reasons why the Supreme Court should rule AGAINST marriage equality. The brief pulled a bunch of quotes from various Voices of Hope videos, which are public record.

The Slate article pulls a quote from the brief that I found the most impactful: "a Constitutional right to same-sex marriage can only come at the cost of marginalizing and demeaning the marriages and families" of gay men married to straight women.

Seriously?! Sheesh. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be put in the same category at these guys - being gay and Mormon.

Well, today I learned that Josh Weed is pretty upset (just like me!). You see, he and his wife were listed in the amicus brief, therefore they must be against gay marriage. Turns out, they're not. According to a Salt Lake Tribune article, they did not give consent to be listed in the brief, nor do they believe in this point of view. Good for him. I'm glad he spoke up and kinda gave a big ole middle finger to the amicus brief. (I'm now curious as to the other couples listed in the brief. I'm sure none of them gave consent either, and I'm wondering if they're just as upset as the Weed's. I heard there was chatter on the North Star private FB page, which I do not belong to. Anyone care to fill us in?!)

Yes, I did call out Josh Weed in the past for posting a blog in favor of gay marriage, and then pulling it around General Conference, but I have gained a little more admiration for the guy in speaking out this week. I still am not a fan of gay men marrying women, so we're still not 100% friends yet, but this is an improvement. ;)

Back to the whole anonymous stuff I mentioned at the beginning of this post... I'd hate to have my name attached to something I didn't agree with. I warned gay Mormons a little over a year ago, to proceed with caution in recording a Voice of Hope video. My reasoning back then was your opinions about LGBT issues would likely change, and having a permanent video on the Internet may not be the best idea. Now you have to deal with your real name being included in random amicus briefs (or is it amici?!) that may or may not reflect your actual views.

The real me is careful as to what I post on social media, while the gay Mormon me continues to play it extra safe -- total anonymity.