If I were Josh Weed, I'd be pretty pissed right now

It's quite obvious, but I try my best to remain anonymous. Some of you know who I am. Some know what I look like. And some of you are my Facebook friends. But I have a list of reasons as to why I hide my true identity, and what I learned today is another good reason for staying anonymous.

On Monday, I learned through a Slate article that a bunch of LDS gay men and their wives are listed in an amicus brief collaborated by an attorney in Utah. Their stories are reasons why the Supreme Court should rule AGAINST marriage equality. The brief pulled a bunch of quotes from various Voices of Hope videos, which are public record.

The Slate article pulls a quote from the brief that I found the most impactful: "a Constitutional right to same-sex marriage can only come at the cost of marginalizing and demeaning the marriages and families" of gay men married to straight women.

Seriously?! Sheesh. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be put in the same category at these guys - being gay and Mormon.

Well, today I learned that Josh Weed is pretty upset (just like me!). You see, he and his wife were listed in the amicus brief, therefore they must be against gay marriage. Turns out, they're not. According to a Salt Lake Tribune article, they did not give consent to be listed in the brief, nor do they believe in this point of view. Good for him. I'm glad he spoke up and kinda gave a big ole middle finger to the amicus brief. (I'm now curious as to the other couples listed in the brief. I'm sure none of them gave consent either, and I'm wondering if they're just as upset as the Weed's. I heard there was chatter on the North Star private FB page, which I do not belong to. Anyone care to fill us in?!)

Yes, I did call out Josh Weed in the past for posting a blog in favor of gay marriage, and then pulling it around General Conference, but I have gained a little more admiration for the guy in speaking out this week. I still am not a fan of gay men marrying women, so we're still not 100% friends yet, but this is an improvement. ;)

Back to the whole anonymous stuff I mentioned at the beginning of this post... I'd hate to have my name attached to something I didn't agree with. I warned gay Mormons a little over a year ago, to proceed with caution in recording a Voice of Hope video. My reasoning back then was your opinions about LGBT issues would likely change, and having a permanent video on the Internet may not be the best idea. Now you have to deal with your real name being included in random amicus briefs (or is it amici?!) that may or may not reflect your actual views.

The real me is careful as to what I post on social media, while the gay Mormon me continues to play it extra safe -- total anonymity.

Confession time! Here's what's on your mind - Round 2

Two weeks ago, I started the 2nd annual Moho Confessionals. I requested anonymous secrets from you all on what it's like to be gay and Mormon. Below are the 14 confessions I received. (Which is considerably less than the 26 I received the first go around!!) But there are a few differences this time. The secrets are deeper, more surprising, and more complicated. I've had to tell myself it's all about quality than quantity in putting together this post! I wish some of these comments WERE NOT anonymous because I have a few follow-up questions to these!

The secrets below are unedited. I'd love to hear your response.

And finally, the last confession is actually looking for some advice. Please direct any suggestions to this Moho in the comments.

This concludes my commentary. The below points are all user submitted.

• I skipped Elder's Quorum Presidency meeting last week to get tattooed - I now have two tattoos and three body piercings ... and my wife still hasn't noticed

• I'm not LDS.  I found some Moho blogs some years ago when I was first coming out and found it interesting to see a similar experience from another perspective.  The thing is, I'm now a well-adjusted, out gay guy and I still read these.  I don't know why I still read them.  I feel sort of bad about it, actually.  I recently made a friend who's a gay Mormon and I feel especially weird about it around him.  I'm worried he will think I'm really strange if he finds out. 

• I think I've subconsciously antagonized every romantic relationship I've ever been in, both male and female, simply because I'm afraid I'm making the wrong choice

• Sometimes, I wonder if I might be bi, and I am to scared to try being with a woman.

• started texting a guy in my ward I was 93% certain that was gay. I finally screw up enough courage after 3ish months to ask the guy out on a date. Get rejected. Like a boss. kidding he was really nice about it saying how that he "admired my courage" and all but wanted to stay friends. I can't help but wonder is it because I'm not good enough, or does he just not want to date.

• I've been married for almost 17 years - wife, 2 kids, still active in church ... and I also have a boyfriend.

• I've tried so hard to balance being gay and LDS, but once I concluded the church isn't true, it's tons easier to separate myself from religion.

• Gay, Mormon and wondering if I want to break any commandments before I get endowed.  Nah, probably not.

• I'm 31 and have had body image issues since about 2nd grade. I haven't been shirtless in public for about 14 years now and haven't been to a swimming pool in as many years. I've been out and trying to date for 3 years now but have never been on a 2nd date and am still a complete virgin.

• My wife said I was gay and thus didn't really love her.  Then she left me for another woman.

• When I was in high school, another boy in my ward and I would feel each other up while riding in the YM Presiden'ts van on the way to our early morning monthly temple trips. We always pretended to be sleeping. The van didn't have good heating, so he always had blankets. Am I going to hell?

• I have a weakness for hot Asian guys. I dream about Steven Yeun from the Walking Dead.

• I did all the things that were expected of a good Mormon boy, return missionary, BYU grad, etc. Broke up with my college girlfriend when I moved away from Happy Valley (it was time to put up or shut up - so thankful that I shut up! Tho she was and still is an amazing woman) and met my first boyfriend about a year later.  Actually he was the first person I ever met that was openly gay. Many years later reconnected with my college girlfriend on Facebook.  She is now living her happily ever after with her wife.

• Preparing to serve a mission... any advice on how not to fall in love with one's companion?

 

Deadline extended! There's still time to confess!

At my work, we'll have contests to recognize outstanding work in various departments. However, to win the contest, you have to submit your own work. An email will go out with the deadline to submit, and a couple days before, we'll usually get another email that says "Deadline extended!" What that email really means is that few people submitted their work, and they just need more entries.

That's what is happening right now! Last week, I asked folks to anonymously submit a secret or confession on being gay and Mormon (or just gay!) I got several responses, but just not enough to make a whole blog post about them. (And well below the 26 responses I got the first go around.)

I made the original deadline today, but let's see what happens if I tack on another week! (So Sunday, March 29, 2014.)

Use the Contact Form on the right and tell me something interesting about you. (If you don't like the word "confession," just think of it as an icebreaker at a party where you ramble off a couple facts no one knows about you.) It's cathartic, fun, and I've promised to throw in a couple of my secrets as well!

Again, this is done 100% anonymously and I have no way to track you down. So before you leave this page, tell me something about you!

Here are random things you can submit (these are just ideas; do what you want!) which I'll share in a future blog post:

• Celebrity crushes
• Friend crushes
• Coming out stories
• Still in the closet stories
• What's it REALLY like being gay and Mormon
• Secrets from the married crowd 
• How you REALLY feel about General Conference 
• How the church handles LGBT issues
• Etc, etc. 

Be brief and make this fun! Check out last week's post for a review.

Moho Confessionals: Tell me a secret, part deux

It's time for the 2nd Annual Moho Confessionals brought to you by you, the wonderful reader!

This all started after a post I made in 2013 where I rambled off a few personal facts and thoughts. That gave me the idea to ask for facts and thoughts from you all. Days later, I had 26 confessions covering what it's like to be gay and Mormon.

It's been over a year since those 26 anonymous items were released, so I thought it would be time to do it again! (New readers, new ideas, new updates.) That last one MAY be an oxymoron.

A year ago, I did this mainly for fun, but have learned that this could be in someway cathartic. Through personal chats and conversations, I've learned that many Moho's are still very much in the closet. I've learned that some married Moho's are confused, struggling, unsure of their future. I've learned that some Moho's are having serious doubts with the church and its doctrine. I've also learned that many of you are happy being gay and life's going well. I could go on and on. Sharing these deep thoughts and feelings is a step in the right direction. We can't keep all this stuff bottled up, even if it's done anonymously.

And on that note, send me your secrets! What's on your mind? What's something few people know about you?

Use the Contact Form on the right.
Put "Anonymous" under Name.
MY email address under Email (gaymormonsouthpaw AT gmail DOT com.)
Give me a line or two of your secret under Message.

If you remain anonymous, and I encourage it, I have NO way to track you down. (I'm just not tech-y enough!) If you're on a mobile or tablet, you can email the above address from your fake email address. (I know you have one!)

Here are a couple from last year:

• I have a crush on my best friend. We haven't been friends for all that long (we met recently through MoHo circles), but I can't see myself living without him.
• I love fun and sexy underwear! Wearing garments was excruciating for me and I'm so glad to not be wearing them anymore. You never know, that forgettable guy in front of you in the checkout line might be me wearing bright pink briefs.

Same rules as last time. PG-13ish and nothing that could get you arrested. Don't leave anything below in the comments section.

Be funny or be serious. It's up to you! And I'll be sure to throw in a couple of MY secrets as well!

BTW, even if you're not LDS, feel free to share a secret too.

Deadline is Sunday, March 22, 2015.

Now, get to work! :)

The Scent of a Man

Well, hello there! Time for my quarterly check-in! :) Yes, it's been awhile, and I hope everyone is doing fabulous. Lately, I've seriously thought about doing another round of Moho Confessionals. You know, for all the new readers. :) It's the 3rd most read blog post and think it might be fun to bring it back. Thoughts?

Moving on. Some will say that scents can be a powerful memory trigger. I wholeheartedly agree with this theory. When I get a whiff of the hair spray I used as a teenager, it immediately takes me back to high school. When I smell a particular detergent that we used on my mission, it immediately takes me back to knocking doors and doing street contacts. When I make random trips to a certain office that uses apple cinnamon air fresheners year round, I immediately think to Christmas. When I smell bacon, I just get happy.

I sometimes think my sense of smell is stronger and more impactful than the rest because I usually associate things to their odor - good or bad. And for that reason, I try to have a pleasing scent. Good body wash, deodorant, cologne, etc. Same goes for my home. I've smelled some guys' apartments and they smell like feet and sweat - that doesn't fly in my living quarters. I've got a good dose of plug-in air fresheners (not overpowering!) and will usually light a couple candles when people come over. (Confession: I light candles when I'm alone too.)

Why all the talk about smells? Well, there was this guy that visited my work, and his scent was amazing. I can't describe it. It wasn't your typical Acqua di Gio or Eternity. It was unique, subtle and masculine. It could have been a mix of soap and cologne with a hint of Gain detergent. I wanted to trap the odor in a box and carry it around my neck. I didn't want him to leave! And even when he left, the scent lingered for several minutes. Looks-wise, the guy was average, but I was so attracted to him by scent alone.

On many occasions, I've wanted to ask a random guy what cologne he was wearing, but have held back for fear I was giving the impression that I was flirting or something. (Do straight guys mind if gay guys ask about cologne choices?!) I do remember a cashier at Best Buy smelling good (again my sense of smell is really strong!) and asking him what he was wearing. He replied "Nautica Blue," but when I smelled a sample at the store, it smelled nothing like him. I'm always looking for new scents, which is why I have the desire to ask random people what cologne they're wearing. And on that note, anybody care to share their favorite colognes?  :)

Smell ya later.
   

My review of "My Husband's Not Gay" (I missed the end of the Golden Globes for this!)

Before I get to my little review, I have to pull the "You heard it hear first" card. Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about TLC's reality show, "My Husband's Not Gay." In it, I pointed out the fact that the three married dudes were all involved in "People Can Change" and Journey Into Manhood - a place for "men who are self-motivated and serious about resolving unwanted homosexual attractions." Just a few days ago, the Salt Lake Tribune wrote an article on how the men "promote discredited 'conversion therapy'" and brought up North Star and People Can Change. I called my findings "a stretch" as to why these couples would do the show, but turns out, I was on the right track! (And c'mon Trib, where's my credit for discovering the facts?!) 

Ok, now to the good stuff. A single gay Mormon will review the show about married gay Mormons. I'm skipping the last hour of The Golden Globes to watch MHNG. (And after seeing Matt Bomer accept his award, I knew nothing else would top his beautiful face.)

Initial thoughts -- 

• The show is rated TV 14. (This made me chuckle.)
• No last names were used and at one point the Bennion's last name was blurred out. 
• For a show that has "Gay" in the title, they sure didn't say the word "gay" very much. Almost like it was a taboo word.  (SSA was used at every possible moment - 'Same Sex Attracted') 
• #MyHusbandsNotGay was a trending topic on Twitter. (Even during the Golden Globes?!) 
• Conversion therapy, People Can Change, and Journey into Manhood were never brought up. (I'm a little surprised.)  
• Pret is so dang cute. 
• Guy crushes mentioned by the SSAers: Ryan Reynolds and Tom Brady.

Review -- 

The show starts with the promo seen on YouTube the past few weeks. There was a quick intro at the beginning that gave details of the three couples. All stories were similar. Last couple was slightly different as the guy told his wife he was gay after they were married. (The last couple - Curtis and Tera - could have been cut from the show. They get hardly any attention and you don't really get a chance to like/dislike them.)  

The three couples then met together with their straight (homophobic) friend in an FHE type setting. When the gay topic came up, all the couples brought up the typical teacings and explianations from the church's "mormonsandgays.org" website. The straight friend seemed clueless about gay people, and I'm sure non-Mormons watching the show will use him as a "typical, stereotypical" Mormon. (Which makes me mad.)    

A fourth guy is introduced - Tom - I don't like the guy. He's a douche. He's discriminates against gay people, when he in fact is gay. He has a bad attitude and acts like he's better than everyone else. He tried to be funny, but just came across as rude.  

Megan (Pret's wife) grew on me; I gained respect for her. I've read some of her posts in the past and didn't care for her. After seeing her in the show, I kinda want to be her friend. Out of the 7 people featured, Megan was by far my favorite.  

Of course, when they go to dinner, a hot guy is their waiter. If I were Tanya, I'd be worried. Jeff really likes to talk about hot dudes and seems the most tempted. I've been on dates with girls and my eyes have wandered to good looking guys. Seems like this is a common occurrence with Jeff and Tanya. 

It was nice to see the other side of the story. I didn't think TLC would do this -- Jay from the Far Between Movie made an appearance and gave his story (for about 2 minutes.) In no way, was this a major part of the show, but still a nice surprise to see him. 

Then there's obligatory sad part when Pret and Megan talk about their baby who died. (But she's pregnant again!) 

Tom is set up on a blind date and ends up telling the girl at the end of the evening that he experiences SSA. They still stay in touch. 

I didn't HATE the show. (I didn't really learn anything either.) I think parents, leaders and adults will use these examples for the gay youth. "These folks are happily married, and you can be too." I DID HATE the use of the letters "SSA." I find that offensive and very disease sounding. I DO think this is an embarrassment to the LDS Church. We're trying to seem normal, and this show isn't going to help. (Read the Tweets about the show for proof.) 

And what about gay Mormons like me? When do I get to share MY story???  

Random quotes --  

"I get jealous when Pret has all his guy time."  Megan

"We don't discriminate against straight people in our prayer group." 

"I experience 'SSA,' not gay."  

"His feelings weren't reciprocal for obvious reasons."  Megan

"I'm interested in men, just not interested in men."  Tom 

"I get a little defensive when someone calls my husband gay."  Tanya

"That is a beautiful man." Jeff 

"Half the time we don't have the same tastes." Tanya 

"Does this girl know that I'm super into dudes sometimes?" Tom

Wrapping all this up -- 

There's been a lot of fighting back and forth on this dumb show. The LGBT community called for the cancellation and said it would be harmful to gay youth. North Star fought back in a not-very-Christlike way. 

In the end, the SSA folks seen in the show would like respect and acceptance and to not judge them. However, the guys would do anything in their power to split up, demonize, and discredit a loving homosexual couple - and then charge you for the "therapy."  

We made a bunch of assumptions before the show aired. Now that you've seen it, what are your thoughts?  

I told the fam damily

No, I did not come out via cake.

If you were to ask me a year ago: "GMS, when do you plan on coming out to your family?" After nervously laughing for a few seconds, I would have given a lame answer like, "never." Then I would change the subject and move on. And then hope you would never ask me that question again.

Which is why I still find it hard to believe what I did during the Christmas holiday. After a series of conversations and emails, I'm officially out of the closet to my immediate family. And it feels 'really' good. Another load taken off my back as I make this crazy journey of being both gay and Mormon.

If I could sum up my family's responses in one word - it would be: perfect. They showed love, support, compassion, acceptance, understanding, etc. And not one person replied with, "I knew it." or "What took you so long?" which makes it even better. I should probably mention the word "love" again, as it was a recurring theme from my family, and to me, the most important action one could show. If I knew it would have been this easy, I would have done it years ago!

As I was thinking and preparing my coming out letter, the Tweet on the left from J.K. Rowling crossed my feed - and I had this calming feeling that everything would be alright. And it was.

For those of you still in the closet, I know how it feels, and encourage you to be open when the time is right. No rush. But it really might be easier than you think!

Moving on.. and if you're still reading this -- I've made it clear that I love data and stats. I'm constantly checking the stats and numbers for this blog and noticed this blog was recently shared on Facebook. I'm happy and excited for the extra publicity, but have no clue as to what FB page it was shared on, nor can I read and respond to the comments (if there were any.) If you got here from a FB page, could you let me know which one brought you here? Since I'm anonymous, it's totally cool if you're anonymous in using the contact form on the right.

Tell your family you love them.