Sunday, December 28, 2014

I'm not sure how I feel about this...

Nice arms, boys.
Hello again. Yes, it's been awhile. Take any excuse in the book and that could be used for my lack of writing. For all you Moho's out there, I hope this blog provides answers and support. You are the push I need to keep my story active.

I'm still amazed at the dozens of folks who end up on this blog looking for info on Tom Christofferson. (Seriously, D. Todd, you should really write an Ensign article or conference talk on your brother.)

Ok, now to the purpose of this post. I'm sure you've heard about the upcoming TLC reality show, "My Husband's Not Gay."  When the news articles started popping up, I was actually spending Christmas vacation with my family. I would have shared my thoughts sooner, but wasn't too keen on the idea of updating my anonymous blog with family members in the next room. :)

To sum up the show, three married couples and one single guy share their stories. The guys (all LDS) are attracted to men, but still marry/date women. I watched the trailer, and while cringing, I recognized the married guys from their Voices of Hope videos. They are also big North Star advocates, while I am the complete opposite.

I read the articles and comments that followed and really disliked the fact that these guys get a platform to share their story. I hate that these stories will be used by the parents of younger gay Mormons ("These guys can marry women, why can't you?!"). It's sad you never hear about the marriages that DO fail in the mass media. It's sad you never hear about the married men who sneak behind their wives backs and mess around. The Mixed Orientation Marriages get all the attention and support from the hardcore Mormons, and it's always rubbed me the wrong way as most MOM's end in divorce.  I've told myself that I could never marry a woman because it would be selfish. It's not fair to her as I'd never be 100% attracted to her.

But then I had an epiphany of sorts. As I started to accept myself as a gay man years ago, I became more accepting of others. I wanted to help, support, hug, etc. others going through the same thing. That led to me become more accepting of people with different beliefs, different political affiliations, just different people in general. (Basically the less Mormon I am, the more accepting and compassionate I become!) So shouldn't I accept these people who are gay (or 'obviously' bi) and choose to marry a woman? If they're happy, shouldn't I be happy? That's my dilemma. I'm single, never been married, so I can't really speak my opinion from experience. My good blogger friend, Dad's Primal Scream CAN speak from experience and has definitely expressed those views in his last blog post. (He does make some great points, by the way.) So I'm obviously on the fence about my feelings of the latest reality stars.

Now, my main question is: Why? Why would these 7 people share their story on the same network that brought you "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo."  These 7 people will be mocked and laughed at for years to come, and their poor kids will be brought into the mess. The show will likely affect future job opportunities for all involved.

I did some research and found the three married men participated in Journey into Manhood by the organization "People Can Change." I've got the North Star Message Board posts to back that up. JIM is for "men who are self-motivated and serious about resolving unwanted homosexual attractions." Ok, I said I am more accepting of a lot of things these days, but I have a hard time agreeing with this retreat! Man, I'm all over the place with this post. I'm rusty since it's been so long! 

So this brings me to one thought as to why these folks are doing the show -- Could these couples be indirectly promoting the money-making People Can Change organization?! Could the couples get some commission for new referrals?! I know it's a stretch, but this is how I think! The publicity has already worked - their Voices of Hope videos have some of the highest views (which doesn't say much) but I know there are gay Mormons who still want to marry women - and combine the reality show and the JIM retreat, and these couples are bound to get some followers.

Why else would 7 people agree to do this show that's humiliating to the LDS Church, and hasn't even aired yet? Please, enlighten me! 

And since I'm all over the place with this post - I really liked this interview with Wendy Williams Montgomery. 


  1. Glad you're back! I mostly just feel sorry for those guys, since they (and their families) will never be truly happy. Their motivation has to be financial - always follow the money. And I also feel bad for other LGBT kids whose parents think that a mixed orientation marriage is an option. Would they want their straight daughters to marry a gay man? Don't think so. I enjoyed the Wendy Williams Montgomery article as well. Have a listen to the podcast Mormon Stories, John Dehlin does a great job of covering LGBT issues. I really enjoyed the interviews of Meg, Jake and Jon Abhou posted in November of this year. My partner of 18 years and I actually got to spend some time at Christmas with my very Mormon family for the first time this year. They've finally decided that family is more important than judging.

    1. Hi Gary! Thanks for your comment. Good to be back!

      So glad to hear there was more family time than judging time during the holidays. That's got to be tough to bring a partner home for the first time. (even after 18 years.) Sounds like things went well.

      I am familiar with John Dehlin and his Mormon Stories - my ADD keeps me from listening to an entire podcast, but I'm working on it. I'm also a big fan Jake Abhau. I love those straight allies!

  2. Well, hell, you ruined my gay fantasies about D. Todd's brother. I thought he'd have a full head of wavy hair and be at least as cute as D. Todd. Darnitall. And, I'm gay and in a mixed-orientation marriage for mostly financial reasons, but I do love her, just not quite in the right way, SO WHY can't I be on TLC and tell my side of the story. Yep, there's got to be money behind TLC's choosing this and JIM, I don't doubt, is gonna get something out of the whole thing. My advice to anyone listening, if you're gay and Mormon, the only way to vote in the Mormon church is NOT by the uplifted hand; it's called voting with your feet, and that's what I did.

    1. I'm sorry, Kevin, to ruin your fantasies! Think Tom is older?!

      Glad I'm not the only one who thinks all this is being done for financial reasons.

      And I wish more stories like yours could be told. I would definitely pay attention. Ever consider blogging?! :)