Sunday, September 25, 2016

Falling into old habits: dating Mormon guys

Hello! How's everybody doing? The Moho blogosphere has been kinda quiet and uneventful as of late, and I too haven't had much motivation to speak my mind. But it's a quiet Sunday and thought I'd toss out a random story.

In my post where I said 'so long' to the LDS Church, I made a comment that my social and dating circle has grown by leaps and bounds since separating myself from Mormonism. That statement is still true, but I've also fallen into an old habit: only seeking out Mormon guys to date. I don't know why. I consider myself an ex-Mormon, yet still find myself attracted to others with an LDS background. I guess the ole "Can leave the church but can't leave it alone" statement really resonates with me.

Many years ago, a friend actively involved in North Star said, "I will never date guys, but if I did, I would never date another Mormon." When he said this, I thought he was crazy. But now, all these years later, I understand why he made that comment.

For example...

I met a Moho on Tinder. Very sweet, caring, little younger than me. He actively dates guys, yet still actively goes to church every week. His bishop doesn't seem to care. He has his doubts about the church, but he'd rather attend church with his friends that contemplate the veracity of the gospel.

I met another Moho on OKCupid. He was married to a woman and has a couple kids. (He's now divorced.) Former Bishopric counselor. Very compassionate, patient, amazing cuddler. He doesn't attend church anymore, but still believes the LDS Church is the only true church on the face of the earth.

Another Moho dates men, stopped attending church, but still has LDS themed art and temple pictures hanging in his home. He'll tell me that he misses going to church.

It's been a challenge to go out with Moho's with conflicting beliefs. I've had a few disagreements with these guys in casual conversations.

(I'm sure you're curious as to how I 'find' all these Mormons. When using apps like Tinder or OKCupid it's easy to spot the Mohos. Profiles with BYU or BYU-Idaho or Univ. of Utah, etc. will always catch my attention. Plus when you land on a Tinder profile and together you have more than 5 mutual friends that are LDS, chances are that person is also LDS.)

It's frustrating, but I know how these guys feel. I was on the fence for so long! Trying to balance my homosexuality with my church attendance. It wasn't until I decide to leave one (the church) and accept the other (my gayness) that I saw the light and became perfectly content. So why am I still attracted to the fence sitters?! I do not try to de-convert these guys and persuade them to leave like I did. I guess I don't have an answer.

Finding other gay Mormons makes for an easy conversation starter. It's the perfect ice breaker. (You're gay AND you served an LDS mission?! So did I!) Bam. Instant friendship. But the more you find out about each other, the more confused you get. (I should have listened to my North Star friend - he actually had a point!) A year ago, I wouldn't have a problem going out with these guys. But now as a non-believer, it's turned into a deal breaker. (Yep, I used ice breaker and deal breaker in the same paragraph!)

So in the never-ending battle of dating guys, I need to focus more on people who have no knowledge of the LDS Church. (Or ex-Mormons. I don't have a problem going out with people who have completely left the church, like I have.) ... We'll just not leave it alone together. :)


  1. My dear, may i ask a personal question? Do you like dating married men? Or, not? For some reason, based on your website and all you have shared, it did not occur to me that dating married men was your thing. I could be wrong... I just would hate so much to see you get hurt, I know dating married people never works out... Love, always, Duck

    1. WAS married! He's divorced and was divorced when we went out! (I've edited my post to emphasize this!)

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  3. So sorry. I didn't know, hence my question. You are a good bloke!😊

  4. Very interesting, it never occurred to me to have a policy one way or the other. Living in Texas I never knew any other gay Mormons until after I was already dating my husband. Even now I know 'of' more gay Mormons than I know personally (other than a cousin and a girlfriend from ages ago that I recently reconnected with on Facebook). And we all left the church behind a long time ago. And I have to say I don't understand why people are so anxious to belong to an organization that so clearly does not want them around. There is enough negativity in the world without seeking it out.

  5. I think even more than being LDS, there are qualities and attributes associated with being (or having been) a Mormon that are appealing to me and others. The clean-cut look, wholesome outlook on life, hard working or at least a good work ethic, fun loving, and still some connection to God, religion or a higher power--assuming they're not too bitter or angry with the Church. Yeah, I know, sounds kind of cliché or stereotype but whose heart doesn't beat a little faster seeing a cute guy in a white shirt with his celestial smile showing?

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