I really struggled on the social aspect since I stopped attending church. When it was time to branch out and meet new people, I was set on meeting other gay Mormons or gay ex-Mormons in person. They were in my comfort zone. But with the millions of people in a 50-mile radius of me, I can count on both hands the number of gay Mormons I know personally. I needed to branch out even more. But how?! For all my life, my main circle of friends have been LDS. Where do I go from here?
Fortunately, there ARE other ways to find friends/dates with similar interests. Below are some ways you can branch out if you've decided to suspend those weekly visits to the LDS Church.
*Reddit - If you'd like to have intelligent conversations with like-minded ex-Mormons or unconventional Mormons, Reddit is a great place to start. The ex-Mormon and Mormon forums are filled with thoughtful information; and a good amount of folks found here are gay. (Some will put a rainbow flag next to their username.) The problem with Reddit is that most people stay anonymous. The nice thing about Reddit is there is a Private Message function to contact potential new friends. If you choose to converse with ExMo's, no matter where you live, you're not alone!
*Tinder - The app helped me come out of the closet. It was the first time I've attached my face publically to a profile. Yes, you gotta weed out those just looking for hook-ups, but I still found great conversation with other gay dudes who live near me. (I have not used Grindr, Jack'd or Scruff, but I'd love to hear experiences/success stories from those who have.)
*OKCupid/Match - I signed up for OKCupid about a month ago, and have had success. I've gone on a few dates with some awesome guys. Match lets you label yourself as "LDS/Mormon" while OKCupid lets you label yourself as Christian. Many people will include the importance of church/religion/spirituality in their profile, which may help you on your search. However, there are some crazies on these sites. Be careful who you give your phone number to. (I learned this the hard way and now have to deal with a gazillion texts from a couple weirdos.)
*MeetUp - If you're not ready to date, it's nice to find people with similar interests near you. Take note that there is an LGBT category.
*Gay Christian Network - I don't know much about the group, and the forums are kinda slow, but if you're set on finding gay people with a similar upbringing, you may peruse a bit here. After a search of the forums, you may find a local Facebook group that's likely a little more active.
*Gay sports - My buddy Evan left this comment on a blog post: "Can I recommend gay sports? I joined a rock climbing group last year and it completely changed my social life. Everyone was so friendly, welcome, and genuine and we get to do just casual hang out stuff (this Friday some guys are going to do karaoke). I know they are particularly common in my area, but there are often a range of LGBT sports and arts groups in each city."
My point is that your social life doesn't have to evolve around Mormonism. It took me awhile to figure that out, but now I've spread my wings a bit and am in a much better place.
What outlets have you used to find new friends/relationships/dates? Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Are you an I phone or Android user? On Android, there are apps (usually paid ones, but well worth the couple of dollars) that you can use to completely block someone's texts. That way you don't have to receive a gazillion of them from people you don't want to receive from.
ReplyDeleteLove, always, Duck (I'm using an alternate email tonight because my phone won't let me use my Such profile, in case you wondered.)
Hey, Duck! Always good to hear from you.
DeleteI am an Android user, so I'll have to check out those apps. It's died down a bit, so I think I might be safe. I believe my non-interest is starting to show through my texts.
Duck, not Such, dang spell check, arrrrrrggg
ReplyDeleteDuck, not Such, dang spell check, arrrrrrggg
ReplyDeleteI find as an introvert I still struggle to make friends. There is a gay group in my fairly small town but it would be nice to find exMos in the area (not that I've had the courage to resign yet but I mean to find someone who understands the Mormon upbringing, etc). I thought about Reddit and may try it. Thanks for the ideas.
ReplyDeleteRon B
Good luck in finding some new folks! It is always nice to share stories and experiences with people who have left the church. Let me know how your Reddit browsing goes. (I find myself spending WAY too much time on the site!)
DeleteWhen I got back from my mission in Japan, knowing I was gay and immediately leaving the church, I simply started going to gay pubs and meeting people (you don't have to drink). I realize some people live in small towns where this option isn't there. But then, I wouldn't, personally, be gay and stay in a small town.
ReplyDeleteI admire your courage for meeting new people! The thought of entering a gay bar on my own terrifies me!
DeleteI guess it could be intimidating and you can't always guarantee that any particular bar or group of people will be friendly, although gay environments in my experience are overall friendly and social. Maybe the first trip could just be to dip your toe in for an hour and get used to it :)
Delete