This FB stranger incident kinda indirectly made me think of some other conversations I've had with Mohos.
Since starting this blog, I've had several people reach out. I've made it clear that anyone can contact me with whatever issues they want to chat about. They have questions, they're alone, they're on the fence of church and sexuality, they need a listening ear, etc. Several pen pal friendships have popped up, all thanks to this blog. I'm extremely grateful for all the Mohos I've "met." And while folks are asking for advice, turns out the person on the other end will teach me a thing or two. Some of the conversations were simple, while others got pretty deep. Some learned my true identity and I learned theirs.
However, a few of these conversations ended abruptly. The emails stop. I rack my brain trying to figure out what happened. Do they not need my help anymore? Do they think I'll be upset because they've changed their mind on what side of the fence they're on? (I won't be.) Do they find me annoying? Are they worried about losing their anonymity? I get nervous when the conversations stop because I'm worried about their wellbeing.
I had one guy email me, severely depressed, and I carefully wrote back with what I felt was an appropriate response, only to never hear from him again. He used an alias email/name, so there was no way to check up on him. I hope he's OK.
On special occasions, (e.g. Christmas), I'll write a brief message to the former pen pals, a simple hello and hope you're well, and again, will hear nothing in return. I hope they're OK.
I hope I don't come across as the annoying girl on Facebook. I just know that some gay Mormons are delicate and could use a little check-in here and there. We all could use a little support while going through these crazy lives. Sometimes I wish they would respond with, "I'm good" or "I've moved on" or "I just don't have time to write anymore" rather than simply ignoring me. (Note that not all conversations are like this. Some have a mutual understanding of "We're good" and there's no need to continue communicating.)
The same goes for some Moho bloggers. They've stopped writing and I think 'whatever happened to....'
I also hope I don't come across as clingy. When someone reaches out to me, I immediately become interested. I care about this person. I want them to be happy. I'll do anything I can to provide sound advice or my opinion. Gay Mormons are a rare breed so I cherish every pen pal friendship. But after days, months, or yes, even years of writing, it hurts when the conversation ends with no explanation. And BTW, I have never and will never just send other Mohos question marks. :)
Am I overreacting? Am I acting like a high schooler?
Or should I just be like Elsa and 'Let it go?'