Sunday, January 11, 2015

My review of "My Husband's Not Gay" (I missed the end of the Golden Globes for this!)

Before I get to my little review, I have to pull the "You heard it hear first" card. Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about TLC's reality show, "My Husband's Not Gay." In it, I pointed out the fact that the three married dudes were all involved in "People Can Change" and Journey Into Manhood - a place for "men who are self-motivated and serious about resolving unwanted homosexual attractions." Just a few days ago, the Salt Lake Tribune wrote an article on how the men "promote discredited 'conversion therapy'" and brought up North Star and People Can Change. I called my findings "a stretch" as to why these couples would do the show, but turns out, I was on the right track! (And c'mon Trib, where's my credit for discovering the facts?!) 

Ok, now to the good stuff. A single gay Mormon will review the show about married gay Mormons. I'm skipping the last hour of The Golden Globes to watch MHNG. (And after seeing Matt Bomer accept his award, I knew nothing else would top his beautiful face.)

Initial thoughts -- 

  • The show is rated TV 14. (This made me chuckle.)
  • No last names were used and at one point the Bennion's last name was blurred out. 
  • For a show that has "Gay" in the title, they sure didn't say the word "gay" very much. Almost like it was a taboo word.  (SSA was used at every possible moment - 'Same Sex Attracted') 
  • #MyHusbandsNotGay was a trending topic on Twitter. (Even during the Golden Globes?!) 
  • Conversion therapy, People Can Change, and Journey into Manhood were never brought up. (I'm a little surprised.)  
  • Pret is so dang cute. 
  • Guy crushes mentioned by the SSAers: Ryan Reynolds and Tom Brady.
Review -- 

The show starts with the promo seen on YouTube the past few weeks. There was a quick intro at the beginning that gave details of the three couples. All stories were similar. Last couple was slightly different as the guy told his wife he was gay after they were married. (The last couple - Curtis and Tera - could have been cut from the show. They get hardly any attention and you don't really get a chance to like/dislike them.)  

The three couples then met together with their straight (homophobic) friend in an FHE type setting. When the gay topic came up, all the couples brought up the typical teacings and explianations from the church's "" website. The straight friend seemed clueless about gay people, and I'm sure non-Mormons watching the show will use him as a "typical, stereotypical" Mormon. (Which makes me mad.)    

A fourth guy is introduced - Tom - I don't like the guy. He's a douche. He's discriminates against gay people, when he in fact is gay. He has a bad attitude and acts like he's better than everyone else. He tried to be funny, but just came across as rude.  

Megan (Pret's wife) grew on me; I gained respect for her. I've read some of her posts in the past and didn't care for her. After seeing her in the show, I kinda want to be her friend. Out of the 7 people featured, Megan was by far my favorite.  

Of course, when they go to dinner, a hot guy is their waiter. If I were Tanya, I'd be worried. Jeff really likes to talk about hot dudes and seems the most tempted. I've been on dates with girls and my eyes have wandered to good looking guys. Seems like this is a common occurrence with Jeff and Tanya. 

It was nice to see the other side of the story. I didn't think TLC would do this -- Jay from the Far Between Movie made an appearance and gave his story (for about 2 minutes.) In no way, was this a major part of the show, but still a nice surprise to see him. 

Then there's obligatory sad part when Pret and Megan talk about their baby who died. (But she's pregnant again!) 

Tom is set up on a blind date and ends up telling the girl at the end of the evening that he experiences SSA. They still stay in touch. 

I didn't HATE the show. (I didn't really learn anything either.) I think parents, leaders and adults will use these examples for the gay youth. "These folks are happily married, and you can be too." I DID HATE the use of the letters "SSA." I find that offensive and very disease sounding. I DO think this is an embarrassment to the LDS Church. We're trying to seem normal, and this show isn't going to help. (Read the Tweets about the show for proof.) 

And what about gay Mormons like me? When do I get to share MY story???  

Random quotes --  

"I get jealous when Pret has all his guy time."  Megan

"We don't discriminate against straight people in our prayer group." 

"I experience 'SSA,' not gay."  

"His feelings weren't reciprocal for obvious reasons."  Megan

"I'm interested in men, just not interested in men."  Tom 

"I get a little defensive when someone calls my husband gay."  Tanya

"That is a beautiful man." Jeff 

"Half the time we don't have the same tastes." Tanya 

"Does this girl know that I'm super into dudes sometimes?" Tom

Wrapping all this up -- 

There's been a lot of fighting back and forth on this dumb show. The LGBT community called for the cancellation and said it would be harmful to gay youth. North Star fought back in a not-very-Christlike way. 

In the end, the SSA folks seen in the show would like respect and acceptance and to not judge them. However, the guys would do anything in their power to split up, demonize, and discredit a loving homosexual couple - and then charge you for the "therapy."  

We made a bunch of assumptions before the show aired. Now that you've seen it, what are your thoughts?  

Monday, January 5, 2015

I told the fam damily

No, I did not come out via cake.
If you were to ask me a year ago: "GMS, when do you plan on coming out to your family?" After nervously laughing for a few seconds, I would have given a lame answer like, "never." Then I would change the subject and move on. And then hope you would never ask me that question again.

Which is why I still find it hard to believe what I did during the Christmas holiday. After a series of conversations and emails, I'm officially out of the closet to my immediate family. And it feels 'really' good. Another load taken off my back as I make this crazy journey of being both gay and Mormon.

If I could sum up my family's responses in one word - it would be: perfect. They showed love, support, compassion, acceptance, understanding, etc. And not one person replied with, "I knew it." or "What took you so long?" which makes it even better. I should probably mention the word "love" again, as it was a recurring theme from my family, and to me, the most important action one could show. If I knew it would have been this easy, I would have done it years ago!

As I was thinking and preparing my coming out letter, the Tweet on the left from J.K. Rowling crossed my feed - and I had this calming feeling that everything would be alright. And it was.

For those of you still in the closet, I know how it feels, and encourage you to be open when the time is right. No rush. But it really might be easier than you think!

Moving on.. and if you're still reading this -- I've made it clear that I love data and stats. I'm constantly checking the stats and numbers for this blog and noticed this blog was recently shared on Facebook. I'm happy and excited for the extra publicity, but have no clue as to what FB page it was shared on, nor can I read and respond to the comments (if there were any.) If you got here from a FB page, could you let me know which one brought you here? Since I'm anonymous, it's totally cool if you're anonymous in using the contact form on the right.

Tell your family you love them.