Merry Christmas, friend!

Hey guys! I've been out of the loop for the last few days. Did I miss anything?

Just kidding.

I would just like to add my excitement and happiness about the same-sex marriage ruling in Utah. I may have lost lots of work productivity time on Friday due to my devouring of news articles and Tweets. I'm shocked that same-sex marriage is legal in Utah, but not in my state.  Spoiler:  I don't live in Utah.  :)  

And shout out to Seth Anderson for his live Tweeting of the big day. I had no control of my facial expressions, as I had a smile on my face the whole time following along.

Me and my new husband!! My polygamous Mormon great grandparents would be so proud! pic.twitter.com/82xyh9GJoS
— Seth Anderson (@jsethanderson) December 20, 2013

I'm all about keeping things short and sweet so I'll just leave it with this joyful feeling. And to those who responded to all this by only posting the Family Proc for the 4th or 5th time this year -- Seriously?! You can't come up with anything original by now?!

The other reason for this post is to wish you all a Merry Christmas. This will be my last post.................  for the year. (Scared ya, didn't I?!) The holidays can be a tough time for us Moho's.  For those of us still in the closet, we may act happy on the outside, but it's still a challenge holding on to this big secret around loved ones. (And we have to get ready for random family members and friends trying to set us up with a beautiful girl because we'd be perfect for each other.) For those out of the closet, I assume there's plenty of awkward moments as well.  ("Are you SURE this isn't just a phase?!")

But no matter your situation, just know an anonymous, left-handed gay Mormon blogger loves you.

Until next year!

Moho Confessionals: Here's what's on your mind.

This will hopefully be the last stock image I use
of two people telling a secret.  :-) 

A week ago, I had a crazy idea and requested anonymous secrets or confessions from you. Tell me what life is really like being gay and Mormon. Below are the 26 responses I got.  

A couple things before I let everything loose... 

I've mentioned this before, but we're not alone. We have similar challenges and some of the secrets are reassurance to the fact. 

The statements below are random, uncensored, and unedited.  Some are definitely PG13. Proceed with caution.  I did not omit any secrets. If you sent it - it's here.   

Several of you sent more than one secret, but to protect everyone, I've mixed them all up. If I need to make a clarification of who's sending the secret, I'll do so in parenthesis before the statement. 

I'd love to hear your reaction and thoughts in the comments.  I'd be game for a part 2 later on for those who weren't ready to share.  

Here we go.  (This ends my commentary.. The rest is user submitted.)  

• I found the underground gay mormon group at BYU-I the night before I left campus (and never came back).

• I have a crush on my best friend. We haven't been friends for all that long (we met recently through MoHo circles), but I can't see myself living without him.

• I have a hot bishop.  Like super hot.  And he's into extended handshakes.  Haven't told him I'm gay yet.  Wouldn't want things to change, right?

• When I was 11 or 12 and didn't yet realize I was different, my younger cousin and I would pretend we thought each other were teddy bears and hug and roll on the ground.  As I realized I was gay and realized the erotic undertones of what we did, giant teddy bears started making me anxious and still do.

• (Married male) I still struggle off and on with masturbation and pornography.  Should feel worse, but also feel like it's my sanity sometimes.  Like I'm justified or something.

• I had a crush on my childhood best friend.  He turned out gay too.  We never talked about it, but in retrospect I realized he came on to me pretty hard.  We almost got into something when we were in a tent (just the 2 of us).  He did grab my junk once and I immediately got aroused, but didn't pull away.  What might have been...

• (Married male) I'm afraid of getting back in shape for fear that a guy might hit on me and I'll like it.

• Home teaching is the biggest pain.  I hate going and I hate it when they come over.

• I met someone in my old stake years ago.  Dream guy.  Just moved to new neighborhood and guess who is my new neighbor?

• I love fun and sexy underwear! Wearing garments was excruciating for me and I'm so glad to not be wearing them anymore. You never know, that forgettable guy in front of you in the checkout line might be me wearing bright pink briefs.

• When I was young and would fantasize about guys, the situation would always include me somehow being forced to be involved, because I could never see myself instigating or voluntarily participating in a relationship with another guy unless I was somehow compelled (even though I was very very attracted to guys).  I think this is still true today, which is probably one reason I'm still anonymous.

• I'm totally out to my wife and committed, but I don't know that she will ever fully understand how difficult that is.  I love her still.

• I try to convince the world that I'm in a better frame of mind now, but I still look at every man I meet as a possible husband (and even several men I haven't even met in person!)

• (Female) I both want and don't want the LDS church to be true.  On the top of the cons list is: what if I wanna marry a woman someday.

• I've convinced myself that blogging will somehow lead me to the love of my life.

• I knew the day I got sealed to my wife, I was making a mistake. I'm still married, and yes, it's still a mistake.

• Im afraid of the MOHO dating scene. We are Mormons, and so we gossip.

• I was molested by my uncle when I was six and later when I was 14. I'm 43 now, but I've never told anyone about it. He recently was released from prison (unrelated) and my mom feels sorry for him and is trying to get my dad to reconnect with him. (They haven't had any contact since the first time he was sent to prison in 1986.)

• I had one straight missionary companion who ... all I can say is flirted with me. We come home at the end of the day and get naked...often. Nothing sexual ever happened but it was borderline gay behavior and I loved it. Funny is that he never struck me as gay.... still doesn't.

• Popcorn. Seriously. Major addiction. Someone save me.

• I hate when I come across feminine.  I'm masculine for the most part, and wish I could love the feminine side too.

• I had several experiences at BYU that were gay-ish. Once, I was working as the night clerk in a motel when someone called around 2 in the morning. "If I come there right now, can you open a room and I'll give you a BJ." I was so in denial at the time that I thought it was a friend playing a joke on me, "Who is this...come on.. Jack? Lane?" He hung up and called back and we had the same exchange... twice more. Then, I got it that whoever it was was serious, but he never called back

• Another BYU experience working at the motel at night.... I had just tried out for a play in the theatre dept. Old dude comes in late at night and starts chatting me up...and he discovers the theatre interests. He claims he had just had dinner with the director I had auditioned for and knows some inside scoop that might help me get the part. Would I like to go back to his room so he can tell me all about it? I had to wait until morning so I could leave the front desk. That's how naive I was. I really thought he had something to tell me. I did go to his room but left after he made his intentions clear.  I got the part...

• I wish there was a loophole that allowed a handful of gay hookups, but alas, I know it will never be. 

• Sometimes when I'm in a large group and see people whispering, I think they're trying to figure out whether I'm gay.  I get very uncomfortable when I see people whispering in any situation.

• (Married male) I want a guarantee I made the right choice and have been true to myself thus far.

Last call for your Moho secrets!

On Saturday, I asked you to share your short secrets.  And every time I see the title I wrote: "Latter Day Confessions: Tell me a secret!" I think of some sleazy magazine article. That's not my intention. I want to give the chance for those who haven't shared their story - to speak out anonymously. (And those who have already shared their story to speak out as well!)  This whole idea came together after I blogged a bunch of short statements on my mind.  

Four days later, the response has been amazing. You've bared your soul to me and I appreciate the comments you've anonymously sent. I think the secrets will be a huge eyeopener for many of us. We'll understand more the deep feelings people have being gay and Mormon. (And hopefully our Mormon friends who aren't gay can get a glimpse into our minds.)  

But I want to give you more time. Keep your secrets coming until this Saturday, Dec. 14 and I'll publish them all on Sunday the 15th.

If you're scared that you'll be the only one sharing - have no fear - I already have at least a dozen secrets - so yours will fit into the mix quite nicely.

I have no way to track you - I can't even write you back to thank you for the secret (unless you send me an email.)

Use the contact form on the right.  Put "Anonymous" in the name field, my email address in the email field (gaymormonsouthpaw AT gmail DOT com) and a 1-3 sentence secret or confession.  (Check out the original post for more info. including MY secret!)

You have a couple more days to think of something.  Thanks, friend!

Latter-day Confessions: Tell me a secret!

I have an idea.  More on that in a sec.

But first, I want to say thank you to all the new blog friends I've made. When I started GMS, I was looking forward to getting some things off my chest and share my story. Throughout all this, I've enjoyed the messages, both public and private. I'm never alone - you're never alone - we're all in this together.  (Sounds like a song.)

One person told me this blog has a "very easy to read writing style and above all it's honest," which I take as the utmost compliment because that was my goal - keep things simple and true.  

After my "Too long to Tweet..." post, many commented how they enjoyed the short but blunt points. So now, it's YOUR turn. Here's my idea.

Tell me a secret.  Tell me what's on your mind.  Tell me something many don't know about you. BUT ALL ANONYMOUSLY. Tell me a 2-3 sentence (or very short paragraph) gay-related confession.

Use the contact form on the right. Put "Anonymous" in the Name section, put my email address in the Email section (gaymormonsouthpaw AT gmail DOT com) and tell me something! (Or tell me 2, 3, or 4 secrets!) Again, totally anonymous. (If you're on a mobile device, email me from your fake email account.)

I'll compile them all for a future blog post, similar to my "Too long to Tweet..." entry.

Here's my example - this is what I would submit:  "On my mission, there was a missionary (not my companion) who would tickle me, wrestle, and sometimes crawl into bed with me.  I would push away and discourage it: 'Stop it, Elder!' But really, I enjoyed the attention and physical touch."

There. That was easy! Now send yours. Even if it's "My wife doesn't know I'm gay." or "I have a huge crush on my bishop." Whatever! Get it off your chest.  

Let's keep it PG-13ish and don't tell me anything that would get you arrested.

Why am I doing this?

1) For fun
2) I admire those who can sit in front of a camera or speak via podcast and share their story to the world. But some of us aren't there yet. I want this to be an opportunity for the rest of us to share something. Maybe even a stepping stone.  
3) You all like short, Tweet-like messages, so I want to take this to the next level. YOUR short messages!

Ok.  Think of something, and type it up right now!

I bet you thought you'd never read a blog with a homework assignment.  :)

The GMS Official Guide to Mormon Moving

**WARNING: NON-GAY POST AHEAD**

If you're Mormon, you've likely helped someone move. I feel it's one of the prerequisites to get into heaven. I've helped dozens of folks move. Move-ins, move-outs, same-city moves, same-apartment complex moves. Some went extremely well - almost perfect, and some, not so much.  

I helped a friend move yesterday (it went very well) and it gave me the idea to blog some tips on Mormon Moving. Most of the readers to this blog are Mormon and male, so this will be more amusement, but I have no issues with printing this list out and leaving it with those about to move.  :) This will mainly be for folks that are moving OUT and/or same-city moves. Moving IN is a whole 'nother challenge.  While this may seem like a rant, I find it extremely pertinent information.

GETTING HELP

• Start with the Home Teachers. That's what they're there for.  If they can't (or are too old) have them find help. That's what they're there for. 
• Avoid blanket requests in Priesthood and Relief Society. The person in the audience will just assume the person next to them will help.  
• I HATE when sign-up sheets are passed around in EQ, so use them as a last resort. 
• Make yourself known in the ward before asking for help. A single member I had never seen and never attended any activity expected all this help from the EQ. It kinda bugged me.  
• Use Facebook and post in church/friend groups. Ask that those who are available respond in the comments.  Tell helpers you'll have food.  
• No surprises. If you live on the 4th floor with no elevator, warn us in advance.  
• Please don't single out those with trucks. With the money you're saving on movers, go rent a moving truck.  

PREPARATION

• You better have EVERYTHING packed before help shows up. If I see empty boxes and clutter on the floor, I'm automatically in a bad mood.  
• Pack your stuff in legitimate boxes. Walmart bags aren't acceptable. 
• Send (a couple) reminder texts and emails. We forget stuff very easily - especially when it comes to service. Tell helpers you'll have food.  
• For same-city moves, do as much advance work as possible.  (If you can take over 5 boxes on your own, in your own car the day before - do it!)  The help you get on moving day should be for the large items.  
• Keep the move date and time appropriate. Don't expect much help if you move Wednesday afternoon at 4pm or Friday night at 7pm. Saturday mornings around 9 seems to be the golden hour.  

THE BIG DAY

• Buy food. Have donuts, juice and water when help arrives.  
• Don't observe. Load some boxes yourself and take an end of the couch. Break a sweat. 
• Don't delegate. We've done enough moves to know what we're doing. Leave us alone.  
• If a kid can't pick up a box, they're just in the way. Leave them at home.  
• For moving in - if a helper puts a box meant for the kitchen in the girl's bedroom - just let it be. You'll have plenty of time to put stuff in the right place.   
• Don't waste their Saturday. For many, it's our only free day. I've found that 1 1/2 to 2 hours is the perfect move time. Long enough to feel you've accomplished something but short enough to have the rest of the day open.  
• If you are donating or throwing away (decent) stuff, put it in a pile and offer it to your help. You'd be surprised how much they'll take.  
• Since you chose to use free help, no one is responsible if something breaks.  
• Buy food. If the move ends around lunchtime, get some pizzas. (But don't wait until everyone's finished before ordering. Your help will leave.)  

FUTURE

If the person that just helped you move, has to move a few weeks or months down the road - you better be the first one over to help them.

CONCLUSION

You're getting a bunch of free help - so please be kind. If I charged for all the times I helped move - I could by my nonexistent boyfriend a REALLY nice Christmas gift. Again, while this may seem like a rant, MOST of the time, I've had some fun and enjoyable experiences while helping others move. And I'll help the next person in a heartbeat (just as long as they're familiar with the above tips.)  ;-)

Good luck with any future moves.  

(If I left anything out, please add to the comments!)