EDIT/UPDATE: Here's the new post.
Ok, now for the gay story of the day.
Recently, I went to dinner with a big group of friends from church. There were 11 of us and I had a blast. It's two of my favorite things - friends and eating.
As typical Mormons do, many broke off afterwards. Some went home and others (including me) met at a friend's place to watch a movie. After that, more broke off and a few of us (including me) went to get ice cream. A perfect night was about to end. (I think I may have a bit of FoMO that Gay Mormon Pioneer brought up in a recent post.)
While we were chatting in the car, finishing our ice cream, the song "Same Love" by Macklemore came on the radio. The whole time, I was saying to myself, 'Please, friends, don't say anything. Please. Please. Please.' I knew that if anyone spoke up, it would be in a negative way. And I didn't want to change the station because I actually enjoy the song. (Plus, we were in my car, and NO ONE touches my radio!) :) The song was very close to ending, when a good friend that I enjoy being around, said, "I really hate this song."
Crap. So close.
Crap. So close.
I stayed quiet while another person asked, "Why?" Her reply -- It has nothing to do with gay people, but the line "I can't change, even if I wanted to." She then went on a rant that anyone can change their "weaknesses and struggles." "Change is possible, etc" "Gay people don't have to be gay forever." Ouch. And once again, I just stayed quiet and tried to change the subject. I COULD have said something, but it was late, I was upset, and just wanted to go home.
Is this the general consensus of straight folks? That we can change at the flip of a switch? That being gay is a weakness? It bugs me that my Mormon friends just don't get it. And then, I have to sit there with my mouth shut while friends bash others' sexual orientation. Stuff like this pushes me back more into the closet.
Close friends just aren't ready for my story.
Anyone else have the awkward Same-Love-comes-on-the-radio-with-friends-in-the-car experience?
No, but I actually finally listened to that song, and it made me cry. I just had a friend tell me that he had NO DOUBT that I could have a very happy marriage to a woman. Ugh. I actually let him have it because I have recently come out to him, so maybe you just need to come out so that you can let your friends have it. haha. I haven't heard back from him (this was just a couple hours ago) so don't listen to this advice until I tell you it ends up being a good thing that i did. Oi. I need to go blog.
ReplyDeleteI'll say it again - some friends just don't get it!!
DeleteI read your latest blog and am proud of you for coming out to your closest friends and family. I admire your strength and glad you're happy!
Nope!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say, though, that your friends more than likely don't believe we could change like flipping a switch. In my experience, straight Mormons view gayness like obesity. Some mix of genetics and environment, but not permanent.
Also: Come out next time. There's no need for you to put up with that.
If not obesity, straight people also love to compare gayness to alcoholism. (either one bugs me!)
DeleteAnd oh, Matt. I wish it were that easy to come out. But I'm doing much better, than say, a year ago. It'll happen... soon.
I always wonder if a lot more people are actually a lot more attracted to different types of people than they generally let on. I think, for example, it's very possible that people may feel some level of attraction toward the same sex in no way equal to what we feel but still identifiable and then may relate to gayness as being like that. There's no way to know, but to me it seems to make a lot of people's attitudes make more sense.
ReplyDeleteIt's like when guys talk about their "guy crush" but promptly add the words "no homo" at the end. *rolls eyes*.
DeleteI do see what you're saying, Trev. Thanks for sharing a new perspective that I haven't really thought about.
I always try to take advantage of these type of situations to try to educate my friends and family about the reality of being gay. I don't have to come out to them to do so. We all have known enough gay people to express an opinion without acknowledging that we are gay or bi. Although I usually feel like I'm skating on thin ice, I feel I need to defend those who are braver than me and are open about their sexuality. If my friends and family want to read between the lines of what I say, then that's ok with me. At some point, if sincerely asked, I will tell them more about my own feelings and experiences.
ReplyDelete