Calling yourself a 'gay Mormon' just doesn't cut it anymore

The very first person I discussed my sexuality with was another gay Mormon. And if I could do it all over again... I wouldn't change one detail. The 'coming out' process went perfectly. Not only was this huge load taken off my back, our intentions and beliefs were so similar it felt good to discuss these things out loud. We were both iffy on the church and we were both OK with having a relationship with a guy (not with each other - just in general.) It was also the first time I've been held by a guy. The cuddling alone was the extra icing to an already perfect day.

I quickly realized though that not all gay Mormons are similar to the one I mentioned above. And in some instances, it's caused a lot of frustration. Gay Mormons have different levels of guilt. Different levels of shame. Different levels of homophobia. Different feelings on marriage equality. At times, I would rather side with a straight, non-LDS LGBT ally, than a conservative Mormon with SSA. (This is one of the few times I'll use SSA - we are gay; we don't have a disease.)

Just how many different gay Mormons do I know? Throughout the last week, I've made a list in my head on how I could classify all of us. I know the following people in my list either in person, online, or I know of them.  And I promise I'm not singling anyone out. I know more than one person in each group.

**EDIT** I changed all references of "single" to "non-married."  Since I know very little about being in a relationship, I must have blocked that out of my mind!

• 1 - Active, non-married gay Mormon, against homosexual relationships
• 2 - Active, non-married gay Mormon, OK with homosexual relationships
• 3 - Inactive, or faith-doubting, non-married gay Mormon, OK with homosexual relationships 
• 4 - Active, married gay Mormon, spouse knows, remains faithful to spouse
• 5 - Active, married gay Mormon, spouse doesn't know, remains faithful to spouse
• 6 - Inactive, or faith-doubting, married gay Mormon, spouse knows, remains faithful to spouse 
• 7 - Inactive, or faith-doubting, married gay Mormon, spouse doesn't know, remains faithful to spouse
• 8 - Inactive, or faith-doubting, married gay Mormon, cheats on spouse with others of the same sex
• 9 - Active, divorced gay Mormon, OK with homosexual relationships
• 10 - Inactive, or faith-doubting, divorced gay Mormon, OK with homosexual relationships

Whew. There were fewer words in my head! Did I forget anyone?! I know I am technically leaving out other possibilities, but I can't think of anyone that would be applicable to that group.  Which group do you belong to? In the span of five years, I was a 1, then a 2, and right now I'm a 3.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is if someone is looking for a support group for gay Mormons, do we hope we all can just get along, or should we narrow our support to those in the same category? Are there too many support groups out there or too little? I wouldn't have anything in common with a #5, so should I really go to them for any support or advice? Should a #4 tell the single gay Mormons how to run their lives. Or does it even matter what kind of gay Mormons we are?

Just my random Sunday evening post (that I've had in my head all week!)

BTW, anyone attend the Reconciling Faith and Feelings Conference? The only news coverage I see is from ABC 4 in SLC.